


Jinjin on the prowl

by Shinigamibutter



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Crack plotline, I'm not funny though, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Not to be taken seriously, Slow To Update, Switch Hitters, attempts at humor, past bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-02-28 14:23:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 30,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13273329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinigamibutter/pseuds/Shinigamibutter
Summary: Jinjin discovers fanfiction and down the rabbit hole he goes.





	1. Rabbit hole

**Author's Note:**

> I uh...am back? This is more junk to be honest. Like what am I even doing? Hell if I know. This will probably be in the same vein as This Isn't Love in the I'm going to do what I want plot and realism be damned way. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it for what it is. Not what it could be.

Jinjin groaned as he jumped into his pillow face first, pressing into it as he collapsed on the hotel bed. They'd just finished a vlive in the maknae’s room next door, a vlive he’d almost ruined. At that thought he shoved his face harder into the pillow, pulling at the edges biting back another groan. 

The words he hadn’t meant to say were echoing back at him in his mind. A very unintentional ‘Hyung, your hips are awesome’ that with each mental repeat seemed more obscene. After the nth repeat he realized maybe the words themselves weren’t really the problem. No the real problem was him. 

He hugged the pillow tightly, mashing it under his head as he lifted it to settle properly on top of it. A sigh escaped his lips as he stared at the other bed in the room, it was currently empty but it wouldn't be for long. Mj would be in soon and he hoped the elder didn’t say anything about his slip up. After all Mj was the one to save their broadcast with his sloth acting. 

Well after a brief pause and scan of Jinjin’s face because his voice had been too awestruck, too real. And without that quick thinking Aroha would have realized that as well. Because instead of being able to fix it himself Jinjin had found himself frozen, with what was surely a mortified look on his face. The only reason his hands hadn't shook was how much practice he'd had behind a camera filming the members.

No one had said anything when the broadcast ended, they didn't even spare him a second glance except Mj. Thinking about it he resisted the urge to bury his head in the pillow again. It would have been different if he’d said it to any other member and Mj probably felt that way too, unlike the others. They were used to it. 

After all he was constantly complimenting the other's bodies with things they wanted or needed to hear. Such as telling Rocky his thick thighs were built for dancing, Eunwoo that his arms were good, hyping up Moonbin’s abs, or telling Sanha about his cuteness or how much he'd grown. Yet in private or on camera he'd never been able to spare many compliments for his hyung. 

Instead he found comments on his weight slipping out, not because Mj wasn't handsome or good looking. Despite thinking no one in the group could touch his visuals, Jinjin wasn't blind to the good looks within his own group. He just never spared any praises for the eldest because Mj was always fluctuating between chubby and ideal. 

A constant battle for the elder as he was smaller in frame than the rest of them and less interested in working out, unlike their resident eater. Even now Jinjin knew that Mj was leaning towards the chubbier side, his cheeks almost as full as his hips. Still though he found himself hard pressed to call his hyung unattractive no matter his weight. 

If anything he found Mj too attractive right now. Too alluring and the feelings weren’t in the same vein of when he said such things about Moonbin or Eunwoo. The feelings were different and had been for awhile now. 

He sighed to himself, allowing himself to feel a touch guilty over the direction his feelings towards Mj had turned. He hadn’t always felt this way, hadn’t always felt a distinctive draw towards Mj’s body. He knew what had started him down the rabbit hole he found himself in. 

It had started when, quite by accident, he’d come across a fanfiction link when he’d been searching for his own name on Twitter. He hadn’t meant to click on it at the time, though he’d been intrigued before by some of the shipper posts, tempted to see what was being made of his personality. It was something he was taught to avoid, and he’d done so diligently until then.

The fanfiction he’d found had been about him and Eunwoo. The first one anyway, it was by the time he’d read as far as the summary and the tags that he decided to give it a shot. It hadn’t disturbed him as much as he thought it would. 

It hadn't disturbed him to see himself with Eunwoo the way it was written, cute and friendly. Or he hadn’t minded until there was a kiss and he’d balked at the idea. Yet somehow he still finished it and decided to further indulge his curiosity. 

By the time he’d read one of almost every member, except Mj, he’d realized how disinterested he was in the other members romantically. The idea of doing more than just hugging them not quite enough to make him sick or revolted, but enough to have his stomach churning at the idea and his mind screaming in displeasure. 

He almost didn’t read any with Mj, the idea of kissing him had already been thought about before after all, in that chocolate unwrapping game they’d played. It hadn’t disgusted him then, it hadn’t really done anything then actually.

So he figured that reading one with Mj wouldn’t lead him to thinking any differently about Mj than the other fics did about the other members. Even so he found himself clicking on a Myungjin fanfiction within a few days of finishing up one about himself and Sanha. Too curious to stop.

The fanfiction had been a lot like the others cute, friendly, and not as disturbing as he thought it would be. It had been short and the one kiss scene hadn’t bothered him in the slightest. So he’d read another, then another, and another. He groaned aloud thinking about the number of fanfictions he’d read that were tagged with Myungjin or with their names together with a slash between them. 

He knew that was where it all started. Because he hadn’t stopped at one, two, or even at the lower rantings. He’d ventured into the mature rated fanfictions and while the first one that had more than a little ass groping had him rethinking his decision to pursue this for the first time, he didn’t stop. He didn’t want to stop. 

It was around then that he’d started to notice how good Mj’s butt looked in jeans, the subtle but sexy way he licked his lips, and the moments behind camera fangirls would have died over. He hadn’t thought anything of it, at least not at first. Everything was the same after all, they were group mates, Astro was still doing Astro things on and off camera. He just happened to notice Mj a whole lot more than he used to. Which wasn’t really a bad thing as they got even closer than they had been before and that was nice. 

What wasn’t nice was that the more mature rated fanfictions he read, he found himself wondering why the writer saw them like that. The more he noticed how well they fit together in ways he had previously never thought about or ever wished to. In ways that he hadn’t thought about the other members fanfiction or not. 

It wasn’t until the first dream he’d had starring Mj that he realized he was already too far down the rabbit hole to go back. And that maybe he didn’t really want to go back. That however didn’t mean he wanted to draw attention to the new line of thinking he’d started down. He sighed to himself looking at the empty bed. He let his thoughts and blame drift away as he thought about what Mj might say. 

Hoping he would say nothing wasn’t going to get him very far if the elder really did want talk. Did want to know why he’d said what he said in the way he’d said it. The real question was how to break it to his best friend that maybe, just maybe, he wanted to see what all the fanfictions were about. And if they were on to something.


	2. Caught in a lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention last time but this was inspired by Taechim's Myungjin video on YouTube. Like that beginning part looked like a homemade porno...and this is where my mind went.
> 
> Ah this is totally a crack plotline...but like I'm always writing so serious I deserve this okay? I'm making excuses because it makes me cringe to know how unrealistic this is...

When the door to the hotel room did open Jinjin found himself scrambling up and away from his pillow. If there was going to be a talk, any kind of talk, he didn’t really want to do it on the bed. Though by the time Mj entered the room he was only sitting on the edge of it, probably looking panicked, he told himself that was good enough.

It seemed to be for Mj as he looked him over skeptically before taking a seat on his own bed, their knees almost brushing with the small distance between them. Jinjin couldn’t help the nervous swallow that followed. Feeling the thread of his thoughts were transparent on his face but he didn’t speak first, waiting. 

Waiting for what he wasn’t quite sure but he felt certain that no matter what happened something was going to break. Even if it was only the illusion that reading these fanfictions hadn’t affected him to the extent of action. He found his eyes drifting to their knees, unable to look at his best friend, his coworker, and group mate. 

He tried not to flinch at how demanding Mj's voice was when he did speak a full three seconds later. “What was that about?” Mj's voice was serious, the way it got when he decided to pull the hyung card and meant it. 

Jinjin knew he wanted an answer, a proper one but he steeled himself as he looked up forcing a confused expression. “I don't know what you're talking about.” For a second he thought Mj might buy it, let the issue drop and allow them to return to bed since they did have schedules tomorrow. He thought he’d sounded fairly genuine in his answer, Sanha at least would have bought it. He knew Mj hadn’t the moment he saw the elder’s lips start to purse. A sure sign that he was about to go off for real. 

“Bullshit.” Mj shook his head this time, lips pursed all the way and his eyes still serious. “You froze Jinjin. You haven’t done that in awhile and lately you’ve been acting weird. What’s going on with you lately?” Jinjin swallowed because all of that was true, well maybe not the acting weird part. 

He felt he was acting quite well under the circumstances of having slipped too far down the rabbit hole if you asked him. When he didn’t answer Mj sighed loudly and Jinjin could hear his frustration as he continued. “You can’t tell me something isn’t going on.”

Jinjin resisted nodding at that because again it was true. There was definitely something going on with him and it just had to do with the insane amount of fanfiction he’d been reading. But it wasn’t like he could tell Mj that. It was likely to go over about as well as telling Moonbin that he really was going on a diet and there wasn’t anything Jinjin could do about it. 

Still there wasn’t anything safe to say. Not really. “It’s just I’ve been stressed lately.” He opted for his least used excuse watching for the elder’s reaction, which was usually to melt and ask him how he was holding up. No such luck this time. 

“We’re all stressed Jinjin.” Was Mj’s curt response followed with a raised eyebrow that spoke volumes. “This isn’t your stressed behaviour.” Another sigh followed and Jinjin watched as thin fingers slid through brunette hair, mussing it up in annoyance. 

“Look if you don’t want to talk about it fine. Just don’t make false compliments that sound way too serious. I get enough flack for my weight without the underhanded kind of shit you were pulling.” The elder brunette sighed again and this time Jinjin heard the dejection, the self degradation that he often didn’t hear from the other. At least not about this, because this he kept private. Locked away from the rest of them even though they suspected it was going on.

“I did mean it.” That had Jinjin blinking stupidly at himself and the wide eyed look the other brunette was giving him. He cursed his big mouth again but this he couldn’t let slide, it wasn’t an issue to be ignored. Personal desires or not Mj needed to, deserved to know that he truly was handsome and, well, desirable. 

“I did mean it when I said your hips are awesome.” He felt the blush creeping up on to his cheeks that he knew didn’t really belong there in this situation. It wasn’t weird for other male idols to say this, to squeeze, smack, or hit each other’s asses. Other male idols did it all the time with no hidden agenda just an honest opinion. Because it was acceptable. This wasn’t and he knew it from the way his thoughts had circled too far down the rabbit hole about Mj’s butt. 

“You haven’t complimented me on my weight for months now. What gives.” Mj’s face was devoid of the pout that might have been there if they were in public. Giving away how serious he was. How deeply he'd been cut. 

Jinjin could feel an ache in his heart at the thought that Mj had been carrying this around for so long. That he’d been weighing how sincere their comments were on his weight, on his looks. That maybe his lack of praise had affected the other even if his weight comments were normal in their society. Even if the comments were followed by nonverbal affection towards him regardless. He like any idol knew how much words could sting. 

“I just noticed your hips looked awesome was all.” Jinjin shrugged not expanding on the thought of why they’d looked so awesome spread apart on the couch end. Or the thought that they’d been just about the right height for things he didn’t want to talk about. 

“You’re looking really handsome these days and I wanted to tell you somehow.” The blush was intensifying and he wasn’t sure how long he was really going to hold out under the keen to know expression Mj was giving him. He’d caved under less when it came to the elder. Even before all the fanfictions he’d read he’d been accused of favoritism by the others more than once. 

It was then that Mj relaxed and Jinjin felt he might really be in the clear. They didn’t argue often, if this was even what one considered that, but it was nice for it to be over. Or would have been over if his phone hadn’t gone off alerting him that his current favorite fanfiction had been updated. And suddenly his blush was tenfold. Mj wouldn’t know what the email meant, wouldn’t have a clue but he did. 

Which set off a different round of questioning. “Why are you blushing? This is what I mean by you’re acting weird.” Brunette hair landed in his eyes as Mj shook his head and Jinjin resisted the urge to fix it as he went on. “First you’re staring at me like you’re starved, then you’re complimenting my hips, and now you’re blushing about it.” 

Jinjin really couldn’t disagree with any of that, save maybe the starved comment. But he knew that could very well be true too, because he’d been thinking about what it would be like to be with the other a lot lately. Not in a relationship but just what it might be like to be fuck him, or be fucked by him. Either one was acceptable at this point if either were to happen. Which they weren’t, they couldn’t. 

Still he really couldn’t answer that because it was true. And it really drove home the point of how well Mj knew him and the little things about him. He knew the other acted like a fool a lot of the time but he knew he wasn’t one. Instead he liked to have fun as long as he could and with his observation skills it was usually a lot. Though he was prone to taking it too far sometimes Jinjin liked this quality about him. 

Mj paused only for a second, eyes scanning over him and Jinjin again thought he might be in the clear. The issue would be dropped and they’d just go to bed. Jinjin could then up his defenses and figure out where Mj was on the whole openness scale later. And in the meantime he could deal with his big mouth and ever honest personality when it came to the elder. 

Or he could wean himself off Myungjin fanfictions as a whole and forget it all ever happened. Because there was nothing further down the rabbit hole he’d chosen. No rabbit he’d seen that he’d catch and no reward waiting at the end. It wasn’t until Mj spoke again this time a mutter under his breath, a half joke meant to be laughed off that hung in the air making it thick.

“If I didn’t know any better I’d think you’d been reading fanfiction about us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably turn into de~stress work. Because I never realized how much I needed one until it was gone. 
> 
> Like I'm soo stoked to be seeing Astro next month. Is anyone else going to L.A?


	3. Dumb bunny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm back? Only this chapter and next chapter are plotted for...So whose ready for a bumpy ride to romance? I'm practicing just that but we'll see how much I suck at it soon. Probably as much as I suck at dialogue. 
> 
> Ah for the new comers I'm going to very lax in these author's notes. Because I tend to vent in them when I'm stressed the fuck out. I'm currently super stressed about the fanmeet...

Jinjin wanted to laugh, to chuckle, to chortle, anything. Mj’s statement was supposed to be ridiculous and clear the air, he knew. However he couldn’t fill the awkward silence that followed the truth. He couldn't even bring himself to meet Mj’s eyes that had traveled up to his own in the silence. 

What could only be a look of dawning realization overtaking the elder’s face even as he forced out a reply. “What makes you think that?” His voice was too weak to be taken seriously, it surprised him that it didn’t crack under the pressure. He knew then that there was no coming back from this. The rabbit hole had swallowed him whole and now it was going to expose him. 

The silence continued far longer than Jinjin had been expecting but there wasn’t much he could do about it. There were no back peddling statements he could make and all he could think of was what he should have said. He should have said ‘that’s ridiculous’, ‘why would I?’, or ‘As if’ anything along those lines. Not an incriminating question like he’d asked. Because it neither confirmed nor denied the assessment.

He found himself holding his breath when Mj did speak again, the tone of his voice soft and more embarrassed than he’d expected. “I was only joking.” It was a mutter like the comment itself had been but Jinjin still couldn’t bring himself to say anything more. Which lead the room into a heavier silence. 

It felt like a full minute had passed by the time Mj spoke again. Jinjin had only been able to hazard a glance at his face the whole time, a quick how mad is he scan of his expression. The expression he’d seen in place of anger had only left him more confused. But he wasn’t going to try that hard to decipher it, for it surely couldn’t be what it looked like. 

The words that left Mj’s mouth though had him doing a double take on what he’d thought he’d seen and the situation so far. “Does this mean you want to kiss me?” The words were rushed, but at the same time so slow as he lifted his head to stare into dark eyes. Barely sinking in by the time Mj had already moved onto action.

Jinjin’s lips had parted to mount a protest, what he was going to say he wasn’t sure. He certainly lost the train of thought when Mj’s hand landed on his knee, the elder using the leverage to move forward leaning into his space. It dawned on him after three seconds, maybe three seconds too late, what Mj was doing. 

He raised his hand, for what he wasn’t sure but the elder brunette caught his arm by the wrist as their lips clashed together, it wasn’t quite a soft meeting but also not just a press of lips either. Jinjin found that his mind wasn’t blank like they always talked about with sudden kisses, instead his thoughts were moving a million miles an hour. Ranging from ‘what the actual fuck’ to ‘what does this even mean?’. 

The kiss had been maybe two seconds in before Jinjin did find his thoughts faltering. And it wasn’t because his mind suddenly shut off to let him enjoy what he’d been secretly dreaming of. It was because Mj was pushing forward again, adding more pressure to their still connected lips as he began moving them. Melding them together better, while darting a wet tongue between his parted lips. 

When their tongues brushed Jinjin felt a hand against his cheek and he heard more than felt himself moan just a little. Which made the kiss intensify to more than a simple brush of tongues against each other and into an exploration of what they’d discovered. He felt his heart flutter just a touch when Mj’s moan followed. 

Then suddenly it was over. Mj was pulling back, eyes glassy and hungry while Jinjin found his thoughts falling back into place. A place he wasn’t sure he wanted to be as he watched the elder lick his lips, he couldn’t help the impulsive swallow that followed. Yet there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, one that caused him to break free of Mj’s hold on his arm. 

Skittering backwards across the bed and against the headboard, panting slightly with the way his heart was pounding. As if it wanted to escape his chest. There hadn’t been a spark, not like he’d thought there would be, not like in the many fanfictions he’d read. But there had been something else instead. A hunger growing within him that told him he didn’t just want Mj’s kisses or sex. Despite what his cock was trying to tell him with the sudden influx of blood to it. 

“That was…” The elder’s voice was husky and a little deeper, as if they’d been kissing far longer than he thought they had. It was also deeply attractive and not helping the blood flow problem Jinjin found himself facing, even as he forced himself not to think about what could follow more kisses. 

The thought trailed off, unfinished as Mj rocked on his heels before climbing onto the bed. “Can I kiss you again?” The question was asked as he crossed the bed, crawling in a way that had Jinjin swallowing again. Even though Mj stopped, right in front him settling on his legs between Jinjin’s, there still wasn’t an answer he could give him. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” His voice sounded husky as well and a lot more wanton than he intended. Jinjin knew, had known before the question was finished that he didn’t want to say no. But at the same time he didn’t want to say yes. Yes was a darker, deeper hole to run down than the rabbit hole he’d already found himself in before. 

Despite his words Mj was moving forward again, a hand on his knee that this time was bent upward from his movements earlier. The touch had him gasping as one of the elder’s fingers brushed against his skin. Swallowing he stared into dark eyes once more, he couldn’t be sure he was still breathing as the distance between them closed. Mj’s other hand landing on his cheek, caressing it. 

In the end he wasn’t sure who moved first, it was probably Mj, but their lips were melded together again. It wasn’t like the first kiss, there was no pause between movements when their tongues met. This time intense from the first small touch of lips, moving closer together as their hands moved along each other’s bodies. 

Jinjin was distinctly aware of the way Mj’s fingers played along his thigh chasing each other down his bare skin. Leaving a tingling feeling in their wake as they circled back up and down his thigh, stalling at the leg of his boxers. His own hand had found purchase in brunette hair, pulling the elder closer as he re-angled their heads for a deeper kiss. Careful not to pull too hard even while wrapping his fingers around the strands, drawing out low moans. 

In the back of his mind though he knew they shouldn’t be doing this. And every few touches he’d tell Mj to stop, even though his own hand was playing along the hem of Mj’s night shirt. In reply Mj would ask if he was sure, small words between kisses pressed against needy lips. Lips that didn’t want to deny themselves the pleasure. 

Yet still Jinjin found himself saying they should stop even while hoping that Mj didn’t, wouldn’t as his cock grew more insistent for attention. Throbbing softly against his own thigh the longer the kisses went on, not quite hard but working it’s way there on the heat of the moment. It wasn’t until he felt a twitch against his thigh that wasn’t his own that the sinking feeling reemerged, taking him over and drowning him in the feeling this wasn’t right. This wasn’t what he really wanted. 

Which had him stopping, pushing the elder away. “Wai..Wait.” Mj did as he was told, leaning against Jinjin’s hand on his shoulder, eyes hungry but he looked like he’d been expecting this. He took a moment to clear his mind of the need to continue that was boiling in his blood. Letting his mind take over with the feeling that had been eating at him since the first moment their lips touched. He wanted this, he did, just not like this. 

Not in the moment with nothing more between them than a knowledge that they were curious. “We can’t do this.” When he spoke he looked directly into Mj’s eyes trying to relay the point he wanted to make without saying it in so many words. There were a lot of words to be filled in though and many reasons they should stop. 

Mj didn’t speak for a moment and in that moment Jinjin wondered what was going to become of them. They’d crossed a line they weren’t meant to cross. He’d been teetering on the edge for so long he thought he could stay there, following the rabbit hole to nowhere all on his own. He hadn’t thought about the possibility of there being another hole to fall down, one accompanied by the very person he wasn’t supposed to desire. 

He snapped himself away from his own thoughts when Mj started nodding, a thoughtful look on his face. He’d pulled his hands back, after Jinjin had done so as if he’d been burned. Though Mj hadn’t looked offended at the time. 

“We shouldn’t do this.” Mj’s voice was soft and so were his eyes when he spoke again, a small almost disappointed smile on face. “We’re not in love so we shouldn’t do this.” He nodded again and Jinjin tried to wrap his head around his logic and where it came from. He resisted the urge to lean into the touch against his cheek when Mj caressed it once more. 

“You’re such a romantic.” Mj’s voice was a soft whisper before he was pulling back again this time placing his hands on his lap. Jinjin pretended, at least to himself, that he’d only watched them to make sure they weren’t going to try something again. 

“What does that have to do with anything? I never said anything about love.” Jinjin found his voice the least convincing it had been all night but he didn’t feel like trying to convey his point further as he closed his legs. He could at least attempt to hide his boner, even if Mj had probably already taken notice of it. 

In his mind he reasoned he hadn’t actually said anything about anything other than Mj’s hips, which were starting to pale in comparison to his lips. He chose not to voice that part out loud though as he waited to see what the elder would say. 

“You didn’t have to.” Mj’s response was a chuckle and a glance at the clock. Jinjin opened his mouth to say something else, what he wasn’t sure but he was cut off with. “We should get some sleep.” That said Mj proceeded to push him over and make himself at home in the bed Jinjin had chosen. 

It wasn’t until they’d settled in, Mj’s arms wrapped around him tightly and the vestiges of the elder’s boner pressed against his thigh, he wondered why the other was there. He should have returned to his own bed so they could wake up and awkwardly avoid each other the next morning and until they forgot what had happened. Or talked about it properly and the fact it wasn’t going to happen again. 

It wasn’t until that thought that he realized they hadn’t actually talked at all. Instead they’d made out, well sort of, and the only thing he’d found out was that yes, there was definitely something there between them. 

Something that had him wanting more than just a little make out session that could have gone further. It wasn’t the spark that was most commonly associated with romance or highly touted. It was something subtle that resided in the soft way Mj’s lips had moved against his own, that wasn’t just in curiosity of what it might be like. 

He couldn’t put a name to the feeling that was eating away inside his chest as he lay there, feeling smothered and comforted at the same time. It was stuffy being held like this, cuddled when he hadn’t asked for it. And he couldn’t tell Mj to stop, as he was out within two minutes of his head hitting the pillow. 

Yet as he lay there, Mj’s arms around him tighter than he thought they should be with the elder so deeply asleep, he found himself enjoying it. It had been a long time since he’d been with anyone. An even longer time since he’d thought of being with anyone seriously. Though he told himself that wasn’t what he was doing now. 

Mj might have mentioned love but that wasn’t why he thought they should stop. They were best friends, coworkers, and responsible for the success of their group. There was no room for romance there, even if there were possibly room for sex. He told himself that over and over until he drifted into a fitful sleep, his thoughts on what the fanfictions saw chasing him into his dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well what did you think? What you expected? Not what you expected? Let me know!
> 
> Also I'm doing a new style again for sensual. I like it. I like it alot. So let me know what you think!


	4. Reality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you but I'm in love with this style! It's loose and flowy and with the right amount of sass. I might keep it forever. (Haha...I don't even get to decide these things who am I kidding?)
> 
> So any guesses where we're taking this rabbit hole?

When he woke up Jinjin had been half expecting last night to have been a dream or if not for Mj to be far away from him. Neither were true as the elder brunette was still attached to him in his sleep, despite Jinjin having tried to roll away a few times in the night. Mj had either worked a leg around his or pulled him closer by the waist. 

Unwilling, even in his sleep, to let him go. It might have been cute if Jinjin knew what the hell was even going on. Sleep hadn’t brought anymore clarity than the night before had. And the morning only brought more questions as he stared at Mj’s sleeping face. 

It would have been one thing for him to have asked to kiss Mj last night. It wouldn’t have been any more acceptable than the makeout session they had, since it obviously wasn’t a dream. But it would have made sense. More sense than it being Mj who had started everything and who, even in his sleep, was refusing to finish them. 

Jinjin sighed to himself as Mj wormed his way closer, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he shifted in his sleep. It was cute. Cuter than any fanfiction scene he’d read about this sort of waking up. He was only willing to begrudgingly admit it though. The line was already crossed but in the end he hadn't even made the decision.

The decision had been made though. Well sort of. Jinjin sighed to himself giving up on trying to reclaim his limbs from his elder. He was sure the other would be waking up soon anyway, after all it was normally him that was sleeping in not the other way around. 

But sleep was one of the furthest things from his mind as he lay wide awake, the replay of last night’s events still weighing heavily on his mind. They’d also chased him through his dreams in ways that might only make sense with a dream dictionary and context. But he had context and that was really all he needed to know that he had been right. They shouldn’t do this. Whatever this was. 

He heard the alarm sound from across the room, it wasn’t his phone. No his own personal alarm wouldn’t actually sound for another ten minutes when Mj’s second alarm would kick in. Neither of which were necessary today as Jinjin was soon staring at a sleepy smile, which was even cuter than the serene face from before. 

He found himself swallowing back the comment as well as trying to control his heartbeat. But Mj only buried his face into his neck with a moan. Jinjin abruptly decided it was too early for this as he shook the other fully awake. With only a little more force than was strictly required in Mj’s case. 

“You need to get up we have schedules today.” It was hard keeping his voice steady and unbothered, but Jinjin gave himself a pat on the back for how convincing he felt he sounded. Mj however didn’t seem to mind taking his time pulling away with an even larger grin. 

All hopes that maybe Mj had really just snuck into his bed last night and used him as a teddy bear disappeared quickly. Dispersed by a quick peck to his cheek that had him three red shades darker than when he slept too heavily on his side for too long. It was followed by a quick ‘good morning’ and the distangling of limbs. 

Jinjin found himself laying in bed a few seconds longer as he processed what had just happened. Meanwhile Mj made his way to the bathroom and not for the first time in the last twenty-four hours Jinjin wondered what the actual fuck was going on. There wasn’t time for answers though. 

At least not right this second and he pulled himself up and around to the sound of Mj’s second alarm and his first in the background. No more words or kisses were exchanged as they left the hotel room. Both prepared for the photoshoot they’d be having on top of the grueling day of recording that was laid out ahead of them. 

It took a lot of convincing but Jinjin finally managed, somewhere between the elevator and lobby, to make himself believe he wasn’t disappointed by it. He however wasn’t able to convince himself that Mj wasn’t standing closer than usual or touching him more than normal. 

There were no reactions from the other members to the difference, though Jinjin supposed they all tended to do that when they wanted attention. Each of them needy every once in awhile for a certain member’s adoration or admiration whichever type of affection they were craving that day. A need they were prone to giving into so that being an idol felt less lonely than it was. 

That morning though he found himself floating in and out of the conversations, the interactions, and calls for attention. Each greeted with a standard response that told them he was preoccupied with a thought. Eunwoo being the bright and intellectual man he was thought to be was the first to notice. 

One quick side glance and Eunwoo caught the dismissal of any questions he might have otherwise asked. Rocky and Sanha were next he noticed in the way they deferred to Moonbin or the manager. They weren’t important questions he was sure, and if they were Jinjin knew they were aware enough to not ask him in the morning to begin with. 

Thus the day wore on work smoothing out the worries he was still harboring. The underlying tension that he felt between him and his publicly announced ‘favorite’ absent in the way he thought it would linger. He’d thought there would be awkwardness, like there usually is when two friends kiss for no apparent reason. Alcohol or not. Instead it was just like always, laughing and joking as if he’d dreamed the whole thing up. 

Except he knew he didn’t. Not only from the way he could still recall how Mj’s lips felt against his own and his cheek this morning, but from the lingering glances. Looks like the one he was getting now, from across the room that were too heated to belong anywhere near a photoshoot. 

Well Jinjin knew that wasn’t true. Those were definitely the bedroom eyes the photographer was want to ask for given the right spread layout. It wasn’t the look they were going for right now. The look also wasn’t directed at the camera, and more than once he’d found himself looking away. 

This was exactly what he didn’t want. Everyone being aware of the feelings he was having, the open display of emotions that would probably hurt their careers not to mention Aroha’s hearts. Yet it was still hard to confront the elder about it. They were constantly surrounded by people, even when they weren’t in front of the camera proper. 

Not that it stopped Mj from just, being there. Jinjin found himself latching on to other members to keep some distance between them. It didn’t really work that well when he was partnered with Mj for the photoshoot itself. Nor did it really stop the elder from just still being there. 

Though when he, tentatively and quite subtly, asked Eunwoo if the other was around more than usual he’d received an odd look instead of an answer. Which he supposed meant he was being paranoid or Mj was really just there that much in his personal space. Which he supposed to a point was true. 

When their schedules were finally over Jinjin positioned himself between Rocky and Sanha in the van. They’d be staying at the hotel until the afternoon the next day and he’d thought about trading rooms. A thought Jinjin ultimately decided against as he realized this might be the only time he’d actually be able to press for answers. 

It didn’t make things any less awkward for him though when he finally found himself alone with Mj. Who for his part kissed his cheek, mumbling about a shower and then disappeared into the bathroom. Leaving him feeling like he might have actually entered the Twilight Zone somewhere between the maknae’s room and his own last night instead of reality.

On that thought alone he was able to amble his way into a shower and getting ready for bed without a second thought. That was until he got out of the shower and found Mj in the same bed they’d shared together the night before. All of the fanfictions he’d read before flashed before his eyes as he stood at the end of the queen size mattress. 

Mj was looking up at him expectantly, he found himself flashing back to the night before when he’d stopped him from going further. “Mj what are you doing?” He tried to sound upset, he wasn’t very impressed with the result and neither was his hyung by the look on his face. 

“Getting ready to sleep. What are you waiting for?” Mj batted his eyelashes at him and Jinjin felt suddenly stupid. Yet he knew he wasn’t, he knew this whole thing had somehow slipped from his fingers and despite his desire not to, they needed to talk. And it couldn’t wait until tomorrow or until he had a hold of the situation.

“No Mj what are you doing?” Jinjin sighed and resisted the urge to rub his eyes tiredly. It wouldn’t help anything. The elephant in the room wasn’t going to disappear just because he was finally looking at it. When Mj only pursed his lips, sitting up huffily Jinjin decided that playing beat around the bush wasn’t the best option anymore. 

“Why did you kiss me last night?” He felt somewhat relieved when the pursing of Mj’s lips stopped abruptly and instead it took on an ‘o’ shape. A shape that meant the other was surprised by the question. Something Jinjin hadn’t really been expecting.

Mj was quiet for quite awhile, his face finally turning passive. A look that Jinjin wasn’t sure what to make of when he finally grew tired of standing and sat at the end of the bed. He was still out of reach or able to move if needed, not that he thought it was necessary. 

When his hyung did speak it wasn’t what he’d expected him to say, it rarely was if he were honest. “Did you not want to kiss me? Have you never wondered what it would be like?” The words themselves were said lightly, sort of tossed into the air as if they held no weight. Something they both knew to be untrue.

Jinjin suddenly found himself remembering a broadcast they’d done where he’d confessed his feeling to his hyung. A broadcast that many fans had used in the fanfiction scenarios where Mj had said it was their first day dating. 

The words his hyung had said felt a lot like those words had then, only then there hadn’t been enough meaning. With a sigh Jinjin shook his head as he spoke, anything but the truth wanted to escape his lips but there was nothing left but it. “Of course I’ve thought about it, we’re idols right?” 

It was the biggest truth he knew. Jinjin had asked other idols, long before Astro had gotten as large as they were. A question they’d all weighed on their minds at one point or another with the assorted games they were forced to play that might make them kiss. Each answer had been monotone, a quick and rehearsed ‘a kiss is just a press of lips right?’ line of thought. 

A line of thought he’d followed all the way down the rabbit hole to smut fics of Myungjin. That had him realizing that maybe not all idol kisses were the same. He didn’t voice that though, even faced with Mj’s pursed lips again. 

“I mean you’re right.” Mj shrugged and Jinjin wondered if maybe they could sweep it under the rug after all. That maybe he could just go on desiring in the dark without risking everything for something he wasn’t sure of. 

Instead after a short pause Mj went on. “I thought about it a lot.” Jinjin found himself swallowing involuntarily at the tone of Mj’s voice, the look in his eyes saying he wasn’t talking about kissing. “I didn’t really wonder about the others,” He continued on and Jinjin nodded to show he was listening. “I thought about it a lot during that chocolate game, when your lips were so close to mine.” 

Jinjin wanted to look away from the pink tongue that was darting out to coat said lips. He couldn’t, not anymore than he could ignore the desire to know what Mj had been thinking about. If maybe what he’d been thinking about after reading fanfictions was what Mj had been thinking about after thinking of kissing him. Part of him hoped that it was and the other part of him hoped that it wasn’t. He couldn’t help feeling conflicted.

“Did you think about it?” Mj crossed his arms, demanding an answer Jinjin knew. Yet more questions were asked. “Isn’t that why were you reading fanfictions about us and complimenting my hips?” There was an eyebrow waggle that followed the last statement that Jinjin might have groaned at if he didn’t feel so caught. So instead he looked away, unable to turn back even as he heard shifting on the bed as he answered. 

“I...I thought about it then too.” He found that it was easier to tell the truth. They’d already made out, it wasn’t like it could get much more awkward if they did it again. Though he chastised himself for wanting more knowing the kind of risk it was. “I didn’t read the fanfictions because I wanted to kiss you though.” 

He found his defense didn’t sound very convincing even though it was actually the truth. He turned to look at Mj only to find him a few inches away. He swallowed slowly the heat on his cheeks feeling just a bit overwhelming in the moment. 

“Then why did you read them?” Mj’s question was a fair one and Jinjin found he couldn’t deny him the truth. Even though he sort of wanted to as Mj moved even closer, their shoulders maybe a foot apart. The elder’s head a few inches from his own, their eyes locked. 

“I don’t know. At first they were just cute you know?” Jinjin wanted to look away, to admit that he really didn’t know. But not only would that be lying to Mj, it was lying to himself. “I enjoyed them. Then I went further up the ratings and…” He found his blush intensifying as he spoke, the need to close the distance between them doing the same. 

“I guess I was curious why they saw us together.” He swallowed, his hand had found its way to Mj’s cheek caressing it softly. “It made sense.” He told himself to stop thinking as he leaned forward capturing Mj’s lips with his own. 

It was different from the night before, softer, a feeling of something more meaningful. Jinjin wasn’t sure what the meaning was, but he felt it in the subtle movement of lips against his own. A slow and steady movement of bodies coming together. It wasn’t what he planned, it wasn’t what he’d set out to do but he found himself lost.   
When he pulled back he went to apologize only to find lips solidly against his own. Less desperate than the night before, a slow and steady exploration as their mouths opened up. Their tongues dancing languidly together in the space between them that was dwindling each second.

When they pulled apart for air Jinjin found himself on the verge of saying they couldn’t again. It was dangerous after all. There wasn’t a mutual feeling to fall back on that was more than a simple curiosity staring back at them. Which wasn’t, in his opinion, enough to risk their career for. 

Love might be, he admitted to himself at least in the back of his mind where he was sure even Mj wouldn’t realize. But this wasn’t that either. Before he could speak though Mj was already moving a mile a minute. 

“We should date.” Once more Jinjin was forcibly reminded of that broadcast of at least a year ago. The easy way Mj had spoken then still matching now, though the look in his eyes was serious. It took everything Jinjin had not to snort, not because it was funny but because it was so serious. 

Not to mention a horrible idea, which he must have said aloud as Mj was giving him that look. The one that said he knew Jinjin was full of shit. And for once Jinjin realized he might actually agree with him. So instead he posed a counter argument. 

“But we’re not in love.” Jinjin crossed his arms, throwing in a pout for good measure. Not that his pouting ever worked on any of them really it was, like always, the other way around. His soft spot for his hyung ever at Mj’s advantage. 

Though he told himself it wasn’t going to work this time simply because there was maybe an inch or two of space actually between them. As somehow they’d shifted from the end of the bed to the middle, legs intertwined and bodies far too close. 

Instead of the argument Jinjin saw coming Mj simply said. “People don’t date because they love each other yet, they date because they like each other enough to want to fall in love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guess? You probably did. I'm rather predictable. Oops.


	5. Crashing through

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miss me?

Jinjin had wanted to quip. To retort that he didn't like Mj like that in the least. Though he'd of course realized that any statement of that kind no longer held any water. After all they'd made out twice now, and he'd just started the second session not even five minutes ago. Not to mention the fanfiction reading he'd been doing. And saying anything would only give Mj more reason to call him out on his shit. 

So he failed to come up with a counter argument. Which he was as conflicted about as the idea of actually dating itself. Yet in the end he’d agreed, with equal parts of him elated by it and conflicted. It wasn’t like he’d ever dated as an idol to begin with so he wasn’t quite sure what it would even entail. 

Though it seemed that Mj didn’t mind in the least when he’d wrapped him up in his arms and declared that they should sleep. An idea Jinjin had jumped on. If only to get away from the thoughts he was having. 

Yet like it often did, morning came too soon and to the same situation as the day before. Mj, while he hadn't taken him for one, was a chronic cuddler. Something Jinjin admitted he might have known if he were to wake up earlier like his members kept asking him to. 

It wasn’t going to happen, even if it meant seeing Mj cuddled up to him all cutely like he was now. He didn’t even want to get up this morning, but the alarm was sounding and reality was calling. Reality being Mj snuggling further into him muttering his own distaste at the hour. 

It didn’t last long. It never did with Mj though and Jinjin was both grateful and disappointed when his elder untangled their limbs. A quick good morning peck and Mj was off to get ready in much the same way he had the previous day. Today Jinjin didn’t dwell on it, there wasn’t much to dwell on if he were being honest with himself. 

And there wasn’t the time to do it even if there were. They needed to get their things packed, ready, and down in the lobby before ten. Not just their things either, he’d have to go and make sure that the other members had everything together. They were leaving this location today and heading back home. 

After a quick twice over their shared room Jinjin smiled at Mj, things felt like they always did. Before the make out sessions, the odd declarations, and before he’d admitted anything he hadn’t meant to. The suitcases were the only thing between them and for a moment Jinjin could almost forget that the last two nights had happened. 

Until Mj leaned over to place another kiss on his cheek before taking his suitcase with him, his last words that he’d check on Eunwoo and Moonbin. Jinjin told himself that he hadn’t stood an extra twenty seconds staring at the door with his hand on his cheek. It was just something he’d made up he was sure as he crossed the hallway.

Sanha and Rocky, unsurprisingly were not ready by the time he rolled into their room. They’d asked him why his face was red but he’d ignored them in favor of bossing them into packing their things up already. It was as they were trying to shove all of Sanha’s many ‘small’ purchases into Jinjin’s suitcase that the others joined them. 

Eunwoo rolling his eyes about the things he’d advised the younger against buying to begin with. Which then turned into Jinjin being chastised for his shoe purchases which he could only weakly defend. By the time their manager showed up they’d somehow gotten ready. It was a quarter to ten and Jinjin was just glad that they were running on schedule this time. Checkout wasn’t until noon but they had a flight to catch in less than two hours. 

He couldn’t wait to be home though, their first free day in awhile coming upon them once they returned. Not that he was going to use it as such. He had plans to meet with one of the company’s composers for a few lessons and to touch up on the song he was trying to make on his own. 

As they were leaving the hotel room, luggage rolling behind them on their convenient wheels, he felt Mj’s hand brushing against his free one. It had his face redder than it had been all day. Yet when he turned to look at his hyung he wasn’t looking at him. Instead he was teasing Moonbin about something that Jinjin hadn’t been paying attention to. His thoughts too occupied on what their schedules looked like. He let it slide, it was probably an accident. 

Still it got his mind turning over the last two nights events. About the night before and what he’d agreed to. And suddenly it felt like his face might be red until the end of time as he recalled that he was now officially dating his best friend. His best friend he’d had no intentions of dating, just maybe he’d thought of fucking once or twice or more. It was awkward. 

Jinjin followed the group onto the elevator feeling like his brain might short circuit when Mj did grab his hand. Holding it between them as they were packed together in the small space with their suitcases, hidden from view. It felt like there was a neon sign above them with an arrow that said they were dating. 

He couldn’t deny that the hand holding felt nice other than the feeling that everyone knew. They didn’t of course, they’d decided to date but they hadn’t discussed the details. Jinjin hadn’t wanted to, still didn’t want to discuss the details.

When their hands fell apart on the first floor Jinjin told himself he didn’t miss the feeling of Mj’s hand in his. He didn’t. Or he most certainly wasn’t going to admit to it at least. He’d spent too long telling himself it was something he didn’t want to accept it so easily now. 

For months now he’d been telling himself that Mj was just his friend that was really, really attractive. That his feelings towards him weren’t anything more than that kind of attraction. And now suddenly they were dating. 

Jinjin smiled and talked with the other members as they checked out and made their way to the shuttle. Their flight would be leaving soon enough and he could think about everything then. Even though it felt like the neon sign was back the closer Mj walked to him. The more he touched him casually. The more odd looks he got from the others as if ‘he’ were acting oddly. He might have been for all he knew. Everything felt the same after all. Except that everything felt completely different. 

Sanha and Moonbin didn’t say anything about it though as they climbed into the vehicle. Rocky was too absorbed in his own music and Eunwoo was discussing with their manager. It was Mj that said something. Flashing him a quick smile accompanied by a wink as he told him to act normal. 

Jinjin had nodded but inside he was trying to remember what normal meant. And which one Mj was wanting from him. Was it the normal before he took one look at Mj’s smile and something inside him melted a little more than it should have? Or did Mj mean the normal before Jinjin would let Mj go first so he could stare at his butt? Or could it be the normal that had somehow been born between those two extremes? He wasn’t really sure.

What he was sure of was that when Mj’s hand landed on his thigh, like it often did when he wanted attention, it made his heart beat faster. The feeling of the neon sign above them back again. He was sure it was there broadcasting to the world ‘We’re dating’. Though no one was looking at them as Mj told him the joke he’d just found online. It made him laugh and relax a little more. Even though everything still felt a little surreal. 

The whole airplane ride seemed to be spent with his thoughts chasing themselves around. It only now truly sinking in what he’d agreed to the night before. Everything but the kisses on his cheek that morning all normal and everyday occurrences. Well save the hand holding but it had happened before as well, though it was a rare occasion that any of them would do that. Now he had time to think with at least an hour or so to stare at Mj across the aisle, and let it sink in.

Mj was his boyfriend. They were dating. Jinjin repeated the thought to himself while pretending to read. Beside him Rocky had already dozed off once they got on the plane, knowing it’s easier to sleep if you’re out before takeoff. 'Mj is my boyfriend. We are dating.' The thought circled around his brain again trying to connect to what he was supposed to do with the information now. What it meant. What changes it was going to bring. 

The only changes it had brought so far being a very snuggly sleep companion and cheek kisses. Jinjin tried not to think too far ahead. Their makeout sessions had been nice but there were a lot of other things that needed to happen before they went further. 

Such as getting used to thinking of Mj as his boyfriend. The phrase repeated itself back to him over and over in varying states of memery the longer he thought it. It still didn’t feel real. They were dating. After checking to make sure that the others were all asleep Jinjin smiled to himself.

“Mj is my boyfriend.” It felt different to say it outloud, a little more real and a lot less petrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uh have not plotted anything else out in this...other than it's likely to be an awkward romance?


	6. Hallway tongue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I wrote like a third of this after chapter 5 and thought it was part of that chapter. So I completely forgot we're on chapter 6. I'm not sure how we got here honestly. 
> 
> Ah I have an announcement of sorts. This will probably be my last Myungjin fic after I finish Dragon Prince. Unless something super inspires me.

A long drawn out conversation with Mj was overdue by the time they arrived back at the dorm. However there wasn’t the free time for it and Jinjin knew it. There was just enough time for food, a quick stop to drop their things off, and a meeting with their choreographer. 

During which he’d been almost entirely unable to keep focused. His eyes drifting to Mj every few seconds only to find him staring back. It had heat on his cheeks throughout the meeting. Which lasted way longer than Jinjin wanted it to.

By the time they were finally heading back to the dorm it was late. Maybe too late to have the conversation he wanted to. Though it wasn’t too late for Mj to waylay him on the way to bedroom, pulling him into the kitchen where they were alone. 

There was a soft smile on Mj’s face as he looked at him, that made him feel special. “Can I sleep with you tonight?” The question was whispered and made Jinjin cheeks redder than it should have for how innocent it was. He knew what his hyung was asking.

“Isn’t that going to be a tight squeeze?” Jinjin raised an eyebrow but he’d already seen this coming. He had sort of been expecting it with the way that Mj had clung to him while sleeping, it was endearing. And despite the tightness he didn’t want to say no. 

After all it wouldn’t be the first time a second person had wormed their way into his bed. Though Sanha at that time had been sick and maybe a little too big to be the small spoon. Jinjin had made due anyway unable to let their precious maknae feel lonely then. 

“I think I can manage.” Mj’s voice was anything but innocent as he leaned in a little too far. Jinjin held his breath as he stared into his elder’s dark eyes. He wanted to move forward, to capture the lips that were taunting him. Instead he smirked and pulled his hyung along by his wrist. 

Things were going to move slowly, they had to move slowly. Of this Jinjin was sure. One misstep meant being found out after all and they hadn't talked about that. He actually wasn't even sure Mj had thought that far ahead. 

It didn't seem like it when Mj waylaid him again. Only this time in the hallway for one mind blowing ‘goodnight’ kiss. Everyone else, were thankfully, safely hidden behind closed doors. Allowing Jinjin to enjoy the feeling of being pushed against the wall and the desperate, but enjoyable, search for his tonsils. 

The kiss was over before he'd been able to do more than cling to his hyung. A whispered “wait here I'll get Sanha to move” and then Mj turned on his heel. Opening the door with a movement just as quick as before stepping into the bedroom, he disappeared with a smirk. 

Through the door Jinjin could hear him kicking Sanha out of his bed telling him to sleep in the top bunk. Claiming his bones hurt from being the eldest. If he weren't so red in the face Jinjin might have gone in to handle things more diplomatically, but as it were he was sure his ears had never been redder. And he'd never been so thoroughly kissed before. 

It had him wondering if maybe Mj had a lot more experience than he wanted to know about. Not that it truly mattered. Who's the better kisser was just the kind of competition he'd prefer in a relationship. 

A few minutes later he did finally get up the courage to enter, after the loudness of Mj’s big mouth and Sanha's pouting argumentation had settled down. Jinjin found Mj was snuggling up to his pillow like he owned it. Rocky was quietly laying there as Sanha vented to him while he played a mobile game, throwing in the occasional but needed ‘mhmm’ and ‘uh-huh’ of inactive listening. 

Jinjin found himself smiling at them as they acknowledged him before he turned off the light. It felt like his heart rate had spiked as he moved towards his own bed. His bed where he could make out the silhouette of his new boyfriend. He almost faltered at the thought. 

Even though he'd spent all day coming to terms with it, the idea was still daunting. Well mostly to terms with it, there were a lot of little uncertainties and questions he still had. Despite them he forced himself forward regardless. 

Now wasn't the time to dwell. Still he acknowledged at least to himself, this wasn't exactly what he'd envisioned. Though he couldn't say what he'd really been thinking when he'd started reading those fanfictions. It didn't matter now, he'd come to realize he certainly didn't mind the reality. Well not all of it, he could do without the red his face constantly was lately. If only reality were a little less embarrassing. 

He sunk into the bed quietly once he reached it. He knew Mj was patiently watching his every move as he pulled the pillow towards him and covered them both with the blanket. Grinning, more confidently than he felt, he opened his arms. Mj was in them almost instantly, or as instantly as moving quietly allowed. He was both delighted and a little bit wary. 

Given that Mj snuggled right into his neck, hot breath blowing across it as arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Causing his heart beat to speed up a ridiculous amount. This was a moment he'd been dreaming of for months now. Only in his dreams there were a lot less clothes involved and no one else was home. 

That wasn't the case now, but it didn't stop the jolt of lust down his spine when soft lips met his shoulder. They were followed though by a sleepy ‘goodnight’ and shortly thereafter by steadied breathing. He whispered his own goodnight with a smile. He knew he'd probably be awake for another twenty minutes fighting his own libido. Which was entirely Mj’s fault. 

It wasn't like he could blame his hyung though. They'd had a very long day and in other circumstances he'd have been out just as fast. Not tonight though. Not when he was half terrified of waking up Mj because his cock didn't care that his hyung was sleeping. Or the off chance that one of their maknae duo would see them and think something. 

He knew intellectually they wouldn't think much of it. It wasn't like any of them were against skinship. Still though they needed to decide what to tell them. If they would tell them. 

Though the thoughts that truly kept him up were different. The same thoughts he'd only touched on during the plane ride. Ones he didn't really want to touch now. About dating, about what it meant, and exactly how serious they were here. The kinds of questions that really weren't supposed to be asked to begin with. 

Then there were the other questions. Like what kind of dates Mj would want to go on. How slow the elder really felt like going, which so far was zero to thirty in two seconds flat. Which was fine, if Jinjin knew the first thing about idol dating, or same gender dating really. 

He'd never dated a man before and his only source to go on were the fanfictions he'd read. He was positive they weren't really a good base to move from. They were exaggerated and often unrealistic. 

The thought brought another smile to his face followed by a yawn. He knew he was overthinking it really. As he'd never expected things could turn out like this from a slip in honesty to begin with. So maybe he wasn't sure what he expected from dating but this, this he could live with. And that was a perfectly good start.

A start for what he wasn't sure. And maybe he truly wasn't supposed to know because that's how all beginnings are. But if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that there'd never be a dull moment with Mj as his boyfriend. As their ray of sunshine already made sure of in their group. Something he was sure his hyung would bring to any kind of relationship. Jinjin allowed himself to close his eyes on that thought, wrapping his own arms around a not quite slender waist. 

There were plenty of other thoughts still swimming in his head unaddressed. But they could wait. Would have to wait, as he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. There was plenty of time to think about it all later. Preferably when he wasn't surrounded by the warmth emanating from Mj’s body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know what I'm doing. I will probably never know what I'm doing. I also can't believe next chapter is 7...See you there I guess?
> 
> I did a touch of editing...like why don't you call me out when things are hard to read? I won't catch it for weeks. And I don't mind.


	7. Dumber bunny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miss me? I'm living today because after waiting forever in the cold lonely dark Myungjin posted a selfie together. I'm suddenly bathing in sunlight again. 
> 
> Ok so really I've been meaning to write this I"ve just been too stressed. This isn't the last de~stress piece I did. This one has a plot and tbh I've been mean to myself again. I'll leave it at that though cause no one cares about the author in the author notes oops.

When Jinjin woke up Mj was gone and he wasn’t quite sure how he felt about it. The spot beside him was cold, the blanket wrapped around him a little tighter than he usually had it himself. But that was the only evidence that the elder had even shared a bed with him last night. While part of him was sad, maybe a little upset that he hadn’t been woken up before the other left. Another part of him was relieved, maybe it really had all been one really trippy rabbit hole dream. Not that he really wanted it to be. Not now that things had turned out this way and he could actually have Mj beside him.

He was still getting his head wrapped around the fact he had agreed to let Mj sleep in his bed last night, a bold move really, when he pulled out his phone. He half expected there to be a message from his new boyfriend telling him where he’d gone. As he’d been expecting the other to be there when he woke up. Instead what greeted him were a few messages in the group chat, everyone’s schedules for the day. Letting each other know where they would be in case anything came up. He found himself disappointed that there were no direct messages to him from Mj. 

He brushed it aside typing up his own plans to send in the chat, a simple day ahead of him. He had made plans with one of the producers from their company to get a few lessons in before lunchtime. Which was why he was awake at the early hour of eight-thirty in the morning when he wouldn't normally roll around until noon along with Moonbin. But not this morning as the others were all up and accounted for. Their personal schedules either taking them out of town, which required getting around early or in Eunwoo’s case sleeping in. He was the only one who had posted the night before. His plans to sleep as long as humanly possible. And then to brush up his information on the cast of the next show he would be in. 

Jinjin suspected that Eunwoo would be awake in a few hours regardless, that was if he wasn’t already up. But he'd decided, after sending his own schedule, that he’d check on their visual once he got around himself. Though it wasn’t until he’d hit send that Mj messaged him in their private chat, one that had sat empty and unattended to for about a week now. The message consisted of a cute emoji that Jinjin had never seen before followed by a ‘good morning’. Even that had him blushing at the bright pink heart that followed afterward. One he couldn’t bring himself to include in his return message.

He instead shut off his screen and went about his morning routine. Completely ignoring his phone that was blowing up behind him on the bed. When he did get back to it, after a much needed shower and some fresh clothes, he smiled at the missed messages from his members. 

Moonbin was asking him if Eunwoo was still sleeping, and the rest of them were shocked he was awake. Well maybe not Mj, who had sent him another direct message telling him how cute he’d looked sleeping, which was why he hadn’t woken him up this time. The message made him fumble his phone and blush at the 'picture evidence’ he received, it made him blush harder. Though, he found he wasn’t upset by it, he had a horde of pictures of the members sleeping after all.

He was willing to admit that it surprised him that Mj had taken a picture though. But he only told Mj that it’s rude to take pictures of another person without their permission. Which he instantly regretted as his phone preceded to blow up with the past photos he’d taken of other members sleeping. He conceded while begrudgingly admitting that he was just embarrassed. Though Mj didn’t reply after that so he took his time replying to the others in the group chat. Assuring them that no he wasn’t sick and yes Eunwoo was still sleeping.

Yet another ten minutes was spent preparing to leave the house while messaging Sanha, having to convince the maknae that no he and Eunwoo did not switch bodies. A theory the rest of them had jumped on and gotten carried away with regardless. It was times like this he wondered if maybe he allowed Sanha too much freedom, at least when it came to the animes and games that he played. They were good inspiration but if they were going to have him thinking everything was a plot setup the maknae might yet drive him mad. 

Still he was smiling when he left and when he arrived the producer commented on his good mood. Which Jinjin smirked away without explanation, three brains had been rotted by Sanha’s theory no need to add another one. His producer friend only smiled at him fondly instead of asking more questions, and began the lessons. Which were thankfully easy to understand and concise. Easier to understand than the few books he’d bought, some of which had been recommended to him by other producing idols. Though the lessons in them would work well on top of this new hands on knowledge. 

He’d been there maybe an hour when the group chat was active again. It was Mj and Eunwoo discovering the theory they’d missed out on. Their reactions made him chuckle and he finally explained to his friend what had happened. Which had them both chuckling over the idea, Eunwoo had even opted to trade bodies to see what it was like to be short. Jinjin hadn’t minded that much really, until Sanha come back on and was a real brat about the things short people can’t do. Which of course led to Mj and Rocky jumping to the vertically challenged's defense. 

The small snippets of conversation he could read between each lesson were endearing and dumb. It was moments like this he wondered if this was how Aroha felt watching them, because he couldn’t stay active in the chat for long. All he could do was watch and be entertained by the antics of the others. Which finally started to die down around lunchtime. Coincidently the time his lessons would be ending. There was one more topic his friend wanted to cover before he left. 

A topic he was almost unable to focus on when he received a message from Mj saying that his friend had cancelled their lunch. Then asking him if he would like to go on a lunch date instead. The question had made him blush softly under the scrutiny of his friend’s curiosity at his reaction. It was hard to deny that he was messaging someone he was into, his friend didn’t need to know it was one of his members after all. And he was willing to admit the idea of going on a date was daunting.

If he were being honest with himself he wasn’t sure when he’d even been on a date last. Still he agreed and set up a time with Mj. His heart racing at the idea he could potentially screw this up already. He’d been out to eat with his members several times in the years Astro had been together, even before really. But it wasn’t like this, it didn’t mean anything. If he were being honest with himself this was why he’d never tried to be honest before. Even in the few times he’d indulged the idea via a fanfiction. What if it really did mean nothing? What if there was nothing more than there was before? And what if Mj only liked the kissing because it was, well kissing?

He tried not to think about it though as he went back to his lesson. There was still an hour before he’d see Mj again and over thinking wasn’t going to get him anywhere. It was just a date with his best friend, his now boyfriend. It wasn’t like it could be that awkward or awful right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The days in this will probably be drawn out. Simply so I can focus on each event more without overloading myself. This style is nice and easy but that doesn't mean it's always easy for me to write.


	8. Jitters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone actually reading this? Just me? Okay.

Jinjin was really getting tired of being wrong. He’d said, at least to himself, that he wouldn’t be nervous there was no reason to be nervous. He’d gone out to lunch with Mj before. Several times in fact. Yet in the same vein of how he’d told himself that reading fanfiction with Mj in it wouldn’t affect him anymore than the others, he’d been wrong. And now he was sitting at the cafe a full ten minutes early. He wasn’t sure how he’d managed to arrive ten minutes early, even after debating with himself for twenty minutes if flowers were the right course of action. He’d decided against it in the end, but only because he’d freaked out he wouldn’t have enough time to make it. Of course he’d also been wrong about that too. 

After he’d been seated, the waitress had taken his drink order, he’d let it sit there until almost all the ice was melted. His mind too nervous to think beyond ‘what if Mj just didn’t show up’. So when he did finally take a sip, it was watered down beyond recognition, but it got the waitress to go away instead of asking if he still waiting. He knew he was being extremely negative with his thoughts. Mj had asked him to lunch, sure it was because his plans were cancelled but a date was a date. Though thinking of it as one only made him more nervous. Thinking at all the last few days had made him nervous, and maybe a little negative. He wondered if that was why the waitress kept checking on him. 

When Mj did arrive he suddenly forgot all of the Korean he knew at how breathtaking the other looked. It wasn’t often that he saw any of the members get particularly dressed up to go out, unless it was a schedule. But Mj had gone the extra mile today his hair done up, his makeup perfect, and his clothes while casual hung just right.

Jinjin’s lack of greeting got him a giggle. One that had him hiccuping out the little bit of English he could remember, as Korean was failing him. “Hi, hello.” It earned him another giggle, one that was paired with a taken aback but indulging English reply. With the addition of a mumbled ‘it’s cute when you’re flustered into English’. 

Jinjin didn’t feel cute though, he felt like he was already ruining everything. Because no matter how many times he’d told himself Mj was boyfriend now and it was ok to be openly attracted to him, he couldn’t bring himself to believe it. Which meant he’d spent a lot of time staring out the window or at other patrons rather than Mj as he settled in. Only catching the other from the corner of his eye. 

Not that his hyung took notice in the least as he had picked up a menu and began studying it while offering a few opinions of what Jinjin himself should try. Jinjin found himself nodding but the little bit of English that hadn’t deserted him wasn’t viable in this situation. So he picked up his own menu and began reading the suggestions even though he’d already decided. And he instead peeked around it at his boyfriend when he got up the courage. 

Mj either didn’t notice or was pretending not to when the waitress came back around, this time surprised to see Jinjin’s ‘friend’ had arrived. Her smile was wider than the last time and this time she took the menus away with her. Giving Jinjin nowhere to hide so he settled for looking at his drink as Mj ordered. His own order came out mumbled and rushed just a tad, Korean finally deciding to grace him with its knowledge once more. 

The loss of the menu left him with an awkward silence and the loss of a shield to use to stare at Mj. Which found himself giving into his desire to stare openly and filling the silence all at once. “Who were you originally supposed to meet?" He wasn’t sure why but the question made his heart ache, the blush growing on his new boyfriend’s cheeks didn’t help it any. Or the way Mj grabbed for his drink as if to buy time to think for a moment.

“I was meeting my old friend, I haven’t seen her in a long time now. She wanted to meet up since she’s back in town.” Mj’s blush was still apparent and Jinjin felt something inside him deflate just a little listening to his hyung go on. His heart aching more with each word. The ‘friend’ seemed like she was pretty cool and he felt that maybe this hadn’t been a good idea after all. That his first opinion about them was the right one.

When Mj fell silent, blush still in place Jinjin had to force a smile as their waitress returned with new drinks. Once she’d left Jinjin found himself admitting outloud what he’d been thinking. The words leaving his mouth in a sigh. “This isn’t a good idea.” They were met with a confused look, hurt eyes that made his heart squeeze tightly. Still he expounded on the idea he’d landed on. His eyes glancing over how dressed up Mj was as he spoke. “We shouldn’t be dating Mj. You were supposed to be meeting an old friend, you’re all dressed up for her. You only…” He started only to be cut off by Mj’s hand landing on his on the table squeezing it, his blush ten times what it was before. 

“Don’t say that. It’s not true.” Mj’s voice was low and Jinjin found himself leaning in just a little to hear it. His own cheeks tinting pink at the way Mj’s thumb was rubbing the side of his hand. “I’m here because I wanted to be here with you.” A glance away, down at his own clothes Jinjin was sure from the next embarrassed words. “I didn’t dress up to meet her. She was coming with her new husband anyway, I…” Mj’s voice was a little louder just before he trailed off, his hand pulling back with him as he sat back in the chair. Jinjin tried to look less interested than he was in what his boyfriend was about to say. Still he had to lean in even further to hear it.

“I went back to the dorm to dress up a bit. I was nervous because I haven’t been on a date in such a long time.” Mj’s voice was filled with embarrassment but it left Jinjin smiling as he leaned back. It had been a long time since he’d seen the other flustered over something so minor. The expression had his heart doing a three sixty from squeezing in worry to swelling with how cute it was. The thought was interrupted by a question being thrown his way. 

A ‘What about you’ thrown in his direction that left him reeling and wondering what Mj meant. After all, his hyung knew he hadn’t been on any dates since they debuted. Then it dawned on him. “I was nervous too.” Jinjin smiled softly his own cheeks gaining a bit more color. The feeling of a neon sign above them returned as they sat across from each other blushing. Only this one read ‘on a date’ and he didn’t mind it so much. 

And before he knew it Jinjin was admitting to looking at flowers and being too early. Mj was laughing though and it felt right. It didn’t feel that much different from it usually did. But it did feel different and Jinjin found himself assured that things were what they should be. That maybe it wasn’t just that Mj liked kissing, but maybe that Mj did like him. Though that thought was for later and when they were alone and not surrounded by other customers.

When they left the cafe, some innumerable laughter filled hours later he felt at peace. Everything wasn’t settled yet, they hadn’t really talked about what they’d tell Astro or the company. They had instead talked about what they truly liked on dates, not just the answers they gave to Aroha. How they wanted to handle any fights and if maybe they should set up a date day. 

Topics they promptly abandoned when they returned to the dorm. Changing into more casual clothes to spend the rest of the day lounging around. It wasn’t often that they got free time and it wasn’t going to last as long as they wanted it to. But it was long enough for a lingering kiss and the words ‘I like you’ mumbled into Jinjin's neck by his sleepy boyfriend as they watched a movie on the couch.

The words echoed in Jinjin’s head and he wondered what he should do with them. Obviously he wasn't sure what they meant, the members said them often. But he decided not to worry anymore, he was overthinking it. He'd been overthinking it since Mj said they should date. Too caught up on what would happen to their friendship instead of seeing it as the next step. Which it was. 

After all, they wouldn't be dating if Mj didn't like him, so softly, quietly, and swiftly he mumbled the words back. Before the other members returned, though he still waited until Mj was asleep. Then he stayed up watching the movie, wondering how far down the rabbit hole he'd truly fallen as he watched Mj more than the screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been editing the other chapters. And I've decided a direction for this loosely anyway. 
> 
> It's hard to stay motivated lately though.


	9. Outed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has some heavy themes coming. Sorry.

Now that Jinjin had truly accepted his feelings, no more niggling doubts in the back if his mind, it was smooth sailing ahead. Or he'd thought it would be anyway. They'd openly said aloud they liked each other, against his own advice really, and that cemented their dating status. And unknowingly Mj’s position in his bed, as he'd moved into it. Stuffed animals and all. 

Not that Jinjin was complaining too loudly. Sleeping with his hyung holding him had taken getting used to, but not much. And it would be lying to say he wanted to go back to having that extra space, at least most of the time. But it wasn’t him that did start the complaining it was the others who had taken note of the change within two days. It was left alone with passing comments for four days. 

Four blissful days of Mj snuggling into him as they slept more peacefully than Jinjin had been expecting. There weren’t any awkward boner moments, yet anyway. Just cuddling and talking in hushed whispers into the night. It felt a little bit like stolen time and reminded Jinjin of all the small moments like it he’d read in fanfictions. The distinct difference being the level of their relationship, but it wasn’t something that Jinjin was ready to move forward yet. Almost a week wasn’t long enough to start planning anything too serious. Not in their line of work.

The fifth day had at least started innocently enough, and maybe that should have been a warning on it’s own. However Jinjin didn’t see the signs. Instead taking the time to soak up Mj’s warmth before waking up like he was required to. There were schedules to be at and in a timely fashion no less. The only true sign of trouble on the horizon was that Sanha and Rocky gave them funny looks before they left the bedroom. 

Jinjin hadn’t been quite awake enough to read their expressions at the time. Though Mj had mumbled something about ‘what’s their problem’ but it had been dismissed in favor of a quick morning kiss. One that he’d found himself looking forward to more than he wanted to admit to. And today he really wanted to take things a step further, by pulling Mj back into bed with him and kiss him senseless. The same way Mj had done to him just yesterday.

He didn’t instead forcing himself to get up, even if it was slowly, and get around. Meanwhile his boyfriend was running circles around him as he did so. He paid it no mind, it was always like this before, though he was surprised that one of the others hadn’t yelled at them yet. Another sign ignored he supposed. But the expression that hindsight is twenty/twenty was made for a reason. 

Now that he was sitting at the breakfast table, all eyes on the two of them alarm bells were ringing. Something was wrong and he wasn’t sure what it was. Of course he knew it was possible the others would question them, Mj’s excuses for sharing a bed were getting pretty thin. And it wasn’t like he’d come up with his own. Still it took him by surprise when the others members were so direct. 

“Mj has been sleeping in your bed a lot these past few days.” Sanha’s comment was an understatement, and they all knew it. It still left him swallowing thickly around his breakfast as he avoided eye contact. Beside him Mj nudged his knee with his own and Jinjin wondered if he’d been prepared for this. “Are you wanting to switch beds?”

“Uh no Mj is just sore lately.” Jinjin felt awful the moment the lie left his lips, it wasn’t even that believable really. Though Sanha nodded to it solemnly anyway and just like that the air at the table was thick. The member’s reactions was something that Jinjin had thought about for a long time. Long before he’d really realized he wanted anything more than just a fantasy with Mj. And the results of his thoughts weren’t good, but he secretly hoped reality was kinder. 

It wasn’t meant to be and it was obvious in the way that Moonbin stiffened at his response and Rocky’s face turned stony. They weren’t buying it like their cute and sweet maknae. But Mj wasn’t exactly helping by staying quiet and saying nothing on his own. Jinjin had to wonder what there really was to say to begin with. The truth? Another lie? Something in between? He wanted to be honest. 

“If it was just that Mj was sore why would he take everything on his bunk and move it to yours?” Rocky’s voice was disgusted and Jinjin found himself flinching at the tone. It wasn’t quite disrespectful but just barely. But he couldn’t bring himself to say anything and the noise that Mj made wasn’t enough to ward off the attitude. 

Floundering for an answer was postponed though by Moonbin chiming in. “Why don’t you just tell us the truth? We can tell when you’re lying.” There was some hurt in his voice that made Jinjin’s chest squeeze and he found his hand on Mj’s knee under the table for support. 

How much truth could they tell? Jinjin sighed to himself internally. This was part of why he hadn’t wanted to date to begin with. Why he hadn’t tried to move beyond reading fanfiction and into reality. Reality wasn’t as kind as the fanfiction worlds were. He took a deep breath to come up with some lie when Mj squeezed his hand and opened his big mouth at the same time.

“We are dating.” The words were followed by open mouths and disgruntled noises. Sanha’s screech could probably be heard for a mile and had Jinjin covering his ears. While Moonbin’s hurt was now replaced with anger and Rocky’s disgust wasn’t hidden anymore. Coming out like this was an awful idea, but Jinjin hadn’t been able to stop his new boyfriend. Who was still stoically waiting for everyone’s opinions. 

Jinjin tried to smile at least to ease the tension. It wasn’t exactly working except on Eunwoo who smiled sheepishly back. The vice grip Mj now had on his hand was probably turning his smile into a grimace anyway. He didn’t want to let go. Because it felt like maybe the pain was the only thing keeping him rooted at the moment. His soul slipping further and further away with each passing second. 

“That’s disgusting.” “How could you?” Rocky and Moonbin’s words overlapped their voices almost in unison they stormed out of the room. It was a full minute after the impromptu announcement. And Jinjin found himself sighing aloud and finally letting go of Mj’s hand. Their reactions were about what he’d expected. 

Though Mj looked shocked and Jinjin once again wondered if he’d thought anything through. The answer was obviously no from the way he’d handled things, or more accurately mishandled them. Eunwoo and Sanha, at least were still sitting there. Though they laughed nervously when Jinjin looked at them. 

“Well?” He hadn’t meant to snap at them but they handled it with grace and small smiles of their own. Mj for his part was still pouting about the bad reaction from the other two, but still somehow giving the puppy eyes. A feat Jinjin wasn’t sure how he managed. 

“I don’t have a problem with it.” Eunwoo’s smooth voice felt more like a blessing than the nonchalant acceptance that it was. It made Jinjin’s heart squeeze, but maybe not as much as Sanha’s agreeing nod and smile. “Just don’t…” Eunwoo’s voice trailed off and his eyes wandered away. “Don’t let it affect the group. I’m sure that’s what Moonbin’s worried about really and Rocky...” He trailed off again. 

They all knew Rocky was just as concerned about the group as Moonbin. Though Jinjin knew the problem there ran much deeper. Not homophobia per say, but a bias just as deep seeded. And he understood, truly they all understood. 

So Jinjin nodded slowly there wasn’t much that Moonbin wouldn’t give up for Astro. And there were rules to being an idol, rules they were definitely bending if not straight up breaking. Mj beside him was smiling at the two and he knew it was forced from the way it looked. But he didn't say anything about it. There wasn't time to deal with this right now. It would have to wait until later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucks I know. I'm sorry.


	10. Man up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll lately. Btw this turned out way differently than I was aiming for and honestly I'm happy it did. I was getting annoyed writing it until just now. I'm soo fickle. Anyway please don't forget this is a crack plot line with serious elements...I don't want to constrict myself so I keep reminding me too.
> 
> Also it's hard to stay inspired in this drought. Go throw Myungjin at me on my twitter and tumblr. I have a mighty need!

What had started as a inconspicuous day was quickly turning into a disaster. And Jinjin was already over it. But he'd still have to figure out a way to fix it. Things couldn't stay the way they were. And he could only recall one other time things had been this serious, that time being back when they debuted. Getting used to living in a tiny dorm had taken a toll.

Still things weren't hopeless. Eunwoo had taken things with stride, pulling him aside long enough to encourage him. Telling him that, realistically dating in groups wasn't as unheard of as companies wished. Nor was being gay. Jinjin had been grateful for it. And once again found himself thankful for Eunwoo and his many schedules that had him meeting many people. Forcing him to open his mind. 

Then there was Sanha who'd asked a few questions and that was it. Well other than the screeching, and quieter admittance that he'd thought something was up months ago. Roughly the time Jinjin had started reading fanfics to begin with. 

Even with their quiet support Mj hadn't stopped pouting whenever anyone looked his way since breakfast. Including himself, because he was, and probably would be, miffed at him until he figured out what his hyung had been thinking. Mj had at least informed him that he had a plan when they'd piled into the van. 

And it occurred to Jinjin that his boyfriend must have had one that he hadn't told him. That or he just couldn't keep it in anymore and was again, flying by the seat of his pants. Though they had talked about coming out in the last few days, sooner rather than later. Just not like that, or at least not exactly like that. Though Jinjin supposed that's just how Mj was sometimes. Especially when he was excited about whatever he was holding in. And Jinjin knew it would have been a mess regardless.

A mess he was finally able to work on at lunchtime when he managed to corner one of two. It wasn't the odds he was looking for but he was willing to settle. Moonbin at least had calmed down, Rocky on the other hand had not. The younger of the two was still pouting and brooding but he could only do what he could. Which was to catch Moonbin while the others got their food. 

Though there were problems there too, though mostly in the uneasy way Eunwoo was acting despite his words. Really there were problems everywhere but Jinjin didn't begrudge Mj’s honesty. Even though he wanted to, he couldn't. Honesty was how he wanted to run their group and what kind of leader would he be if he couldn't tell the hard truths? A bad one. Which he felt like anyway as he looked at Moonbin. 

It was a bit awkward after Moonbin had stopped at his name being called, turning to him with the lingering anger in his eyes. Jinjin had forced himself to speak though, the first words that tumbled out of his mouth were unintelligible. Forcing him to swallow again and survive the scrutiny of Moonbin's eyes. “I'm sorry.” 

The words were a lot more sincere than Jinjin even realized. And in that moment he knew he needed to apologize to the others too. For lying, for hiding, and above all not trusting them. Even if things weren't perfect they couldn't work through it if they didn’t take that step. Which sounded oddly like what Mj had been hinting at when they talked about coming out. 

“I'm sorry too.” Moonbin's voice was soft and his eyes less hard when he spoke. As if the anger of before was trying to escape from them quietly. “I overreacted. I'm just...” The sigh was expected and Jinjin smiled fondly. He knew, without the younger having to say. But he still let him finish. It was best they all say what they had to say and deal with the repercussions afterward. As long as they were honest and fair. 

“I worked so hard to debut. We all worked so hard to debut and…” Moonbin paused and Jinjin waited for him to continue. He had a feeling where he was going with this, and it had been something he’d thought about as well. “It just felt like our hard work was being disregarded because something like this could break us.” There was another sigh and Jinjin found himself nodding. 

It was one of the many reasons he’d followed the rabbit hole on his own. Why he’d never planned on doing or saying anything. But now that they were here he didn’t want to relinquish what they were building. And neither did he want to let go of Astro. “Even if it means running full speed ahead and I almost break, I can’t let go of us.” Jinjin finally said after the long pause following the younger’s words. 

“I can’t let go of Astro and I can’t let go of Myungjun.” He smiled sheepishly, his cheeks tinting at having said it outloud. “I didn't mean to grab hold of Mj though, he grabbed hold of me…” He frowned at the truth in his own words but the taller brunette was smiling. It was lighter than it was before.

“That sounds like Mj-hyung.” The smile that accompanied the words made Jinjin feel better about the situation at hand. It seemed like Moonbin was at least willing to listen. And the head shake that came with it was good natured. “How did it happen anyway...how long…?”

Jinjin frowned at the question that wasn’t quite completed. He knew what he was asking though and really from what Sanha had told him, the group might think it was longer than a week. Still, he found himself telling Moonbin everything which had him even redder in the cheeks when it was all said. He had a feeling that this wouldn’t be the last time he told the story though. 

After their talk not only did things get better with Moonbin but the others as well. Save for Rocky who still hadn’t said a word to him, even sitting away from them at lunch. Though everyone had their own advice on how to approach him, Jinjin knew now wasn’t the time. They were at this location for a reason. And it wasn’t really the place for heart to hearts. 

Yet even as they went about their schedule Jinjin found himself talking to Mj about their current predicament. Asking him what plan he had in mind. Only to regret doing so as soon as he heard it. It was a decent plan at least, it was just an after everyone had settled down kind of plan. Not an actual deal with the problem being a big mouth created kind of plan. Which he supposed he should have suspected. 

At least Mj was done pouting and now being productive. Jinjin sighed to himself looking at Rocky who was continuing to brood in the corner during a break. He knew what the problem there was at least, it was just a matter of dealing with it. And truly dealing with it along with the baggage Rocky himself was still carrying around. It wasn’t going to be easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? 
> 
> This might one day include Socky....MAYBE.
> 
> There were so many mistakes!!! Sorry I edited finally.


	11. Truthfully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I have to make things so complicated for myself??? Sorry I took so long. Life has been busy
> 
> Anyway please picture this in the timeline as before Rocky felt comfortable doing cute things on his own. So before Rocky Swag and before they moved dorms.

Cornering Rocky had been a lot easier with Mj’s help, not to mention the other member’s cooperation. They had taken two vans today and cocercing Sanha, Moonbin, and Eunwoo to take one alone had been easy enough. Jinjin knew the parts that wouldn't’ be easy were the parts to come. As not only would they have to confront Rocky but they’d also have to do so without letting their manager know what was going on. 

Though Jinjin could tell they suspected something. The staff were with them most of the time to begin with so it would be hard to keep from them either. Though Jinjin supposed that was just another place that Mj’s plan came in to shine. Not that his boyfriend’s plan was going to do them any good right now. Or maybe even in the future as things were already progressing smoothly enough all things considered. 

Still when they’d climbed into the van with him Rocky had avoided eye contact and the air was instantly tense. Pretty much what Jinjin had suspected it would be like. But he was going to weather through it and solve this sooner rather than later. Even so it took him a full three minutes to find any words to say. Long enough for the staff who was driving them to shoot them a funny look in the rearview mirror. 

Mj for his part was also silent, which Jinjin suspected was because of the lecture he’d given him when they’d discussed his plan. And for letting the cat out of the bag in a way that wasn’t planned for or timely. Though his boyfriend was giving him the ‘hurry up before I open my big mouth again’ look when he did finally find the words. 

“Rocky…” Jinjin flinched at the way the younger didn’t even acknowledge him, and the staff cleared their throat obviously noticing the unusual behavior. “I know you didn’t mean what you said this morning.” His voice was soft and he was certain the staff couldn’t hear him. “I know what you went through in your hometown and that..”

“I meant it.” Rocky’s voice was hard, just as hard as the sigh that left his lips following it. “I meant it.” The words were ground out and Mj flinched beside him as Jinjin bit back his own sigh. He knew better than to believe the younger, he knew Rocky wasn’t homophobic nor was he one to say things like that. But this was a situation that was different, it was too close to home. Though Jinjin wasn’t sure that Mj knew about it or Rocky himself even saw it that way.

“You didn’t.” Mj’s voice startled him as the elder’s hand landed on his thigh unconsciously a habit he had when he wanted attention or comfort, or both. One of the many habits that had kept Jinjin up late at night before they’d started dating, even though it was a habit shared between a few of the members. “You didn’t mean it. You were taught to say it though.” 

Jinjin paused looking at the staff member, they were focused on driving now and either pretending not to hear or forcing them self not to pay attention. Then he turned back to Rocky and quietly said what he needed to say. “Mj’s right. You told us all about the bullying when you started taking tap. But you don’t have to be like that to fit in here.” He reached out a hand, placing it on Rokcy’s knee. The younger didn’t flinch or move which was a good sign.

“I meant it though.” Rocky finally looked at them and his eyes were hard and watery all at once. “I mean it about me.” He sighed looking down at his own hands which were in his lap. Jinjin didn’t need to ask to know what he was thinking about. He’d been told a long, long time ago when the younger was feeling horrible. Back when he’d first gotten extremely close with Sanha. 

“You’re not that either though.” Mj sighed and Jinjin felt his hand tightening on his thigh. This was something that the younger had shared a bit of with all of them. The bullying and name calling of ‘homo’ ‘sissy boy’ ‘girl’ and whatever else little boys could think of for a boy who loved dance. It was something Rocky had mostly dealt with. Except that one time he’d been kissed by one of those bullies and hadn’t hated it. 

After that Jinjin knew that Rocky had closed up on himself and the issue about boys liking boys when it had nothing to do with him. He didn’t mind others being gay, but it didn’t make him feel right to see it in front of him. It only served to remind him of what he had done to that boy, which was beat him up a little more than necessary. Or in Jinjin’s opinion less than considering how far the other had taken the bullying afterwards. Bullying that had continued until Rocky had ‘joined’ them by exposing the other boy.

“I’m sorry.” The words themselves were quiet, but the action of Rocky’s hand landing on his made Jinjin feel better. “I shouldn’t have said that even if it was about myself.” Jinjin squeezed the younger’s hand until he looked up at him and Mj again. It wasn’t fair to make him take the blame and Jinjin knew that.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” He paused as the hand on his thigh squeezed again. “Ok so you didn’t do anything that wrong. We understand. It was just words, and they did hurt but if you can support us we’ll forgive you.” Jinjin forced a smile and kicked Mj until he smiled with him. Which made the younger snort and suddenly the air wasn’t so tense anymore. 

“I’ll try hyung.” Was Rocky’s only answer, but it was said with a smile and Jinjin supposed that was good enough. It was better than he’d been expecting. Because he knew that Rocky still hadn’t let anything go if he was willing to call himself disgusting. After all, secertly he’d told Jinjin that he hadn’t hated when the bully kissed him. He’d hated his actions, but not the boy himself. It had made Jinjin question their second youngest’s sexuality for a split second before he realized it didn’t matter. 

What mattered was that he was happy. That they were a family of sorts and that they could support each other like one. Though he realized as they climbed out of the van and headed back up the dorm that there was still a long ways to go. The other four were looking at them as if they were going to start making out any second once the door closed behind them, or do something else just as scandalous. Though Jinjin wasn’t willing to put that past his boyfriend he kept the thought to himself.

Things were going to be awkward for awhile, he knew they were. But somehow Mj was still getting along just fine. Making things normal with every little action he did. As if he knew exactly what each of them needed to feel at ease. It made Jinjin smile to himself because that had been Mj’s plan all along but he knew that their sunshine was the only one who could actually carry that out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well from here we're going to get into slice of life. Cause I'm weak? Either way if cross dressing works it's way in here it's because I'm super, super, super weak.


	12. Rabbit hole conquered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise? I surprised myself ok?

It took what felt like an inordinate amount of time for things to settle down around the dorm. Schedules at least went smoothly for which Jinjin was thankful, but even a week of walking on eggshells with the members at home was too much. But somehow he’s survived three of them. He suspected it was because Mj was so good at getting things to move smoothly on his own, but when left alone Jinjin was just awkward. 

Until Eunwoo, the amazing sweetheart that he was, told him to relax and stop being stiff and things would normalize. Of course Moonbin later told him that it was only after they’d all had their fun laughing at their awkward leader. That had been after a week, but it had still taken him two more to fully relax. After all there was still the whole staff issue and the obvious sign that things had changed when their sleeping arrangements did. With Rocky and Sanha forcing them into the top bunks.

Time was also invested in dealing with Rocky’s past, and allowing him to move on from the mistakes he’d made before. Talking about them openly and as a group coming to an understanding of where they stood. Where Jinjin and Mj wanted to go as a couple and what that meant as a group. What it could mean as a group in the future, which Jinjin really couldn’t picture without the other five. It was awkward all around for awhile. 

Still it was nice being outed. Jinjin told himself that everytime he really, really wanted to reach over and ravish his boyfriend’s mouth in the living room, kitchen, or the bedroom and couldn’t. As despite being out there were rules. Rules that Jinjin hadn’t implemented but agreed to after the first seven times Sanha had screeched when he’d caught him and Mj sucking face somewhere. Which had been rare to begin with as there wasn’t a lot of time for it. 

There was even less time now. Which was making Mj cranky at bedtime and making Jinjin want to do it all the more. But with all the schedules and all the rules they were lucky enough to cuddle without complaints in the living room. And when they hit the bed, it was lights out for Mj within minutes. Most nights anyway.

Not tonight though. For once they’d finished early and been allowed to sleep early too if they so chose. Jinjin made the decision for them kicking Sanha and Rocky out of the room for a few hours and dragging Mj up the ladder to their shared bed space. Which was really just a cleaned off mattress they used together and a bed filled with their other belongings. It felt like ages since they’d been alone and the first thing Jinjin found himself doing was pinning Mj to the bed with a kiss.

A ‘kiss’ that lasted the next three minutes. Their bodies pressed closer than they had been in two weeks, and their tongues languidly relearning every bit of the cavernous mouths offered to them. It was everything Jinjin had been missing as he moved his body against the one laying prone beneath him. They hadn't gotten any further than this, not counting the few wake up boners that weren’t really discussed or dealt with.

When they broke apart for air, much to Jinjin’s chagrin Mj was smirking up at him. Hair tousled from being thrown down, lips a touch swollen, and his eyes sparkling with delight. It was in that moment that Jinjin lost it. His lips descending again as his hands pulled at Mj’s arms, trapping thin wrists in one hand while the other wormed its way under a thin shirt. Feeling at the flesh that lay hidden underneath, a low growl forming his throat when Mj bucked into the touch. Their lips molding around each other as they moved, tongues now dancing.

“I want you.” The words were soft, whispered against a sharp jawline and made Jinjin’s heart beat out of control in his chest. He hadn’t meant to say them. Which only brought flashbacks to what he’d said about Mj’s hips four weeks ago. A month. He found himself halting his own actions even though Mj hadn’t, though the elder’s were soon to follow. 

Both of their faces were red he was sure. But words spoken couldn't be taken back so easily as they’d learned quickly with Rocky and dealing with his issues over the last few weeks. Which admittedly was something they’d talked about a lot more than their own feelings, feelings that were no longer a gray area. Jinjin knew where he stood with himself, he wasn’t quite ready for the L-word, not in this context at least. But everytime he so much as pictured Mj in his head his heart squeezed softly in a way much different than before. 

Still it was awkward staring down at Mj, his hand on his chest and his other hand keeping him pinned. Thinking about being inside him, even though he truly wanted it. Or he was willing to accept Mj being inside him. The thoughts alone were making him harder than he should be and he could feel Mj’s cock pressing into his thigh where he’d straddled him. But they’d both gone silent, a pin could be heard if it were dropped.

Then suddenly there was movement he wasn’t prepared for as Mj turned the tables on him, flipping them over by catching him off guard. His own hands now captured in Mj’s two. It took his breath away to be staring up at Mj’s intense eyes. He found himself swallowing thickly thinking of the last time they’d been on a date and Mj had pinned him against a wall in an alley. It had been short lived but intense, they’d been hiding from fangirls at the time and he hadn’t been able to express how hot it had been. Now though there was no reason to hold such thoughts back.

What came out though was an unintelligible moan against Mj’s lips which had recaptured his own with fervor. A kiss that had him arching up into it squirming until their cocks brushed against each other and Mj’s hands could no longer hold him. The elder didn’t seem to mind as they went to work, one settling in his hair and the other slipping back under his shirt. Mj’s own hands found a better purpose as well, one sliding along his hip and the other holding himself up. 

Time seemed to freeze around them as each small movement set him on fire. The feel of Mj’s hands on his bare skin, his lips now pressing kisses against his jaw, and the swell of a cock against his own. It made his cock throb with the friction. Keeping still wasn’t an option though he needed release, he knew his boyfriend needed release. And he was all too willing to give it to him. 

It was a bit awkward working his hand under Mj’s sweatpants, and the motion did freeze the elder in his tracks. Startled or just that turned on Jinjin wasn’t sure, he didn’t want to look at the other to find out too afraid that maybe this was too much for him. That maybe Mj hadn’t really thought it through all the way, despite the way the elder had pawed at his cock a few times before. So he bit his lip and dived in only to discover that the area near his cock was even more sensitive than expected. 

The low groans and moans that seemed to rip from Mj’s throat at the action was everything he never knew he wanted. And it made him feel even better to know that he was the reason the other was coming unglued. He didn’t stop on his journey for long though, ignoring the way teeth sank into his shoulder, sucking on the skin drawing out his own moans, he wrapped his hand around Mj’s cock. It was hot, hard, and he swallowed at the idea of how good it would feel for it to be inside him. 

A thought he’d secretly experimented with as was suggested. But right now he was so close to the real thing and all he could do was hang on to the short breathy moans Mj was making once he started moving his hand. Reveling in the smooth feeling of Mj's cock, and the precum he felt at the tip from the excitement of being touched for the first time in who knew how long. Jinjin bit his lip as he picked up the pace, his body feeling hotter when Mj started moving again. Whispers against his skin followed by kisses and the raising of his shirt. 

They didn’t have a no hickey policy but Jinjin knew he was going have to make one. Even if it felt amazing to have Mj’s lips everywhere marking him as he went along his chest. Drawing out a moan that might have been a bit too loud when he nibbled on his nipple, tongue teasing it erect. Forcing him to think about how good those lips would look elsewhere. Jinjin bit his own knuckles when Mj finally placed a hand on his cock, rubbing it through the material of Jinjin’s sleep pants.

It had him seeing white, simply from the teasing and he wasn’t sure how much longer either of them were going to last at this rate. But as if they were communicating on a different level, just as it was almost too much, they were moving again. Stripping off their clothes, tossing them onto the other bed before they came together again. Lips meeting before anything else. The feeling this time was more electric than the last.

“I want you.” This time it was Mj, and Jinjin could only nod into the kiss his knees feeling weak even though he was laying down. It was the first thing they’d said in minutes. But it wasn’t just a statement, Jinjin knew it was a question. Because they hadn’t moved that much further than they had that night in the hotel room. And Mj wasn’t sure that he truly wanted this. There were still a lot of problems that could arise in the future if they did this.

Jinjin found himself smiling as he wiggled free, grabbing the lube he’d hidden on the other mattress before plopping it in Mj’s hand. No more words were needed. They were said anyway, but they were the words of encouragement and reminders to breathe as Mj prepped him. And for the second time Jinjin felt like Mj saw right through him as he kissed him, turning him so they were facing each other when he entered. Slowly at first allowing for the adjustments that were needed. 

It hurt, they’d both known it would hurt. The kisses helped, the feeling of Mj’s hands along his body helped more. His own hands clenching the sheets as he tried to relax as much as possible. Then he was seeing white again, Mj’s cock pressing against his prostate. His moan was barely contained in time by soft lips against his own. Pressing, molding, claiming. It was more intense than he thought it would be when they finally started moving. The feeling of Mj’s cock filling him up.

Everything was sloppier and faster now though, each thrust quick and aimed at the spot that previously made him moan. It took a few thrusts to find it but Jinjin knew his boyfriend wasn’t going to give up. And once he found it again Jinjin was nearly screaming Mj’s name as it was hit over and over. Their hands wandering each other’s bared skin, they moved together as one, sweat forming at the exercise of controlling themselves from making the bed shake. But it wasn’t long before they were both undone, pace faster than before and so close. 

“Myungjun...I…” Jinjin’s voice was hoarse at this point from biting back all the screams he knew better than to let out. His lips were swollen and possibly raw from biting them but Mj looked divine with his eyes closed taking in the feeling as he thrust, holding his cock against Jinjin’s prostate. It had him biting his lips again but he could feel the coil of heat in his belly ready to burst. He tried to hold it a few more thrusts as Mj kissed along his neck. Sweet nothings following his lips. Then he was looking down at him and Jinjin couldn’t hold it anymore.

When their eyes met timed with a hard thrust Jinjin let himself go, clamping his muscles around Mj’s cock and cumming hard between them. His boyfriend only smiled thrusting through his orgasm before cumming inside, which only caused Jinjin to spasm more. Until they were both laying there spent hoping that no one came in about now. Because moving was asking quite a lot from either of them.

“That was…” Mj’s voice was awestruck and Jinjin felt like it was an echo of his own sentiments. It hadn’t been perfect, because despite how smoothly it had gone they’d also had a few hiccups. Like Mj spilling lube down the side of his hand and onto the mattress. Or when Jinjin had accidentally kicked him when they moved. Then there was the time they’d both giggled uncontrollably to cover up their moans when they heard someone outside the door. Then there were the things they both said that made no sense and broke the moment for a few seconds.

Things they’d laugh about later Jinjin was sure but it was still. “Amazing?” He supplied with a smile and a nudge for the other to at least get off of him. A request that was obliged. “Satisfying?” He looked at Mj and licked his lips. If it weren’t for how sore he currently was when he so much as rolled over he would want to go again. And he might later he told himself as he licked his lips and kissed his boyfriend softly. “A touch awkward but absolutely mind blowing?”

“All of the above.” Mj smirked and Jinjin felt something tighten in his chest when he moved around to cuddle being careful of his ass. “But does it hurt?” He questioned kissing the younger’s temple even though it was sweaty. Jinjin found himself shrugging, the truly dissatisfying part was how it felt to be filled with cum after the fact. 

“A little bit, but next time use a condom.” Jinjin closed his eyes knowing that he wouldn’t open them again for a least a few hours. But Mj’s voice was heavy too when he laughed but nodded. It was all Jinjin could do to stay awake long enough to get comfortable while Mj did his best ‘clean up’ with an old pillow that would be tossed later. There were plenty of things to think about but all he wanted to do was lay there and cuddle until the other thoughts went away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was faster than expected.
> 
> Like always I'll edit later. <3


	13. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stressed so I'm gonna write. That's what this has become now. My de~stress piece of I stopped caring four chapters ago. I suppose that means a wild ride might be in store...
> 
> Though in hindsight I guess that's what this was all along.

They’d done it. Jinjin found that thought chasing through his barely awake brain for at least ten minutes before he even attempted to open his eyes. They were free from schedules today, at least. And he was thankful for it because he knew without opening his eyes they were both covered in hickies. And if he were unlucky enough they’d also been discovered which meant hearing about it from the members. He could already see Sanha’s scandalized face and Rocky’s disapproval. The true horror of realizing they’d had sex in the room the four of them shared.

However instead of being met with any of the above he was met with Mj’s soft smile and a fuzzy feeling that he’d never had before. It might have had to do with the extra effort his boyfriend had taken in cleaning him up after he’d fallen asleep. As he was now wearing an oversized shirt and there was an obvious clean feeling about him as if he’d been wiped off. “What time is it?” Was the first thing he said though, leaning up for a quick peck of lips. It hurt to move even that much if he were honest.

“It’s still only nine. Sanha and Rocky are playing a game in the living room. Eunwoo and Moonbin are arguing about dinner. And I’m curious how you’re doing. You’ve been asleep for a few hours now.” Mj’s smile was still soft and Jinjin felt his heart skip at it. “Are you hungry?”

“A little bit.” He shifted again and couldn’t hold back the groan the movement brought, he’d expected it. It wasn’t like he’d never thought about what it was going to be like after anal sex after all. He was in a relationship with a man and had been fantasising about him for months to begin with. But knowing about and expecting it did not make pain magically go away even if he wished it did. That’s what painkillers were for and if he remembered correctly there was still a half bottle of some in the kitchen somewhere. 

Rocky would know where as the week before last he’d danced himself sore more than twice while processing his own feelings. Jinjin would be the first to say he was proud of him. Rocky was still young but he was facing the things he’d done that he wasn’t proud of and trying to change his own way of thinking. Which before had been a bit limiting with the follow the crowd mentality. Not that Jinjin could fault him for it. Given the circumstances he wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t have done something just as drastic. 

Even a few months ago he’d been grappling with the idea of being attracted to another man. And not just physically either even if that’s what he told himself it was. Smiling at Mj he nuzzled himself further into the set up his boyfriend had made around him. Now though he was happy and he’d accepted that society was wrong, it was okay to like other men or in the opposite case other women. 

That didn’t mean it would be so easy for Rocky to see himself. Though he’d improved greatly in the last three weeks, smiling when Jinjin or Mj did something a hetero couple would do and he’d think it was cute. Still Jinjin had also noticed the younger avoiding their youngest when he felt clingy instead seeking out the company of Moonbin or Eunwoo. But he wasn’t about to touch that landmine. Not yet anyway. There’d already been enough talks about the past bullying to get over his and Mj’s relationship. He wasn’t about to get into what could become of Rocky and Sanha’s.

The short minute it had taken him to get comfortable had been long enough for his boyfriend to do the same. Wrapping his short limbs around him and nuzzling into his shoulder rather than the pillow. Jinjin didn’t comment instead trying to prepare himself for the next move. “We should get up.” He’d said it but he only shifted slightly himself, enough to position himself where he could get free.

His words were met with a scoff and resistant groan at the nudge he’d given his boyfriend. A whine that didn’t need any words. But Jinjin knew they’d already spent enough time in the bedroom, at least for the moment and he’d rather have a shower than a wipe down after their activities. “You asked if I was hungry right?” He added a full minute later when Mj had resolutely refused to move. 

“Yeah but I already asked Moonbin to bring the food in here when it’s ready and some painkillers because I know you’re sore.” Jinjin bit back his panic at thinking that Moonbin might have asked why he was sore to begin with and forced himself to relax a little. Things weren’t bad just like this. Cuddled into Mj’s arms and safely tucked away in bed where he wasn’t expected to move anytime soon because they were all ‘adults’ and could manage themselves. 

“You’re not going to bring the food to me though?” He countered after a few second lull to make sure there wasn’t anything Mj wanted to add. At this point he turned a full pout to his boyfriend even though the other was giving him an exasperated smile now. It was cute, but he wasn’t about to say that outloud and encourage him. 

“I just did a whole bunch of work fixing the bedsheet, cleaning you up, moving you to get clothes on!” The pout in Mj’s voice was cuter than the smug smile. It wasn’t until then Jinjin realized that he was indeed sleeping on a new blanket and the pillow had been disposed of. He just hoped it was quietly. Though he wasn’t sure how the elder had really done any of it, even with vague recollections of being scooted here and there while he slept. “You should thank me.” 

Instead Jinjin kissed him wrapping his arms around him tightly thinking about what a good boyfriend he truly was. Completely ignoring the ba-bump in his chest at the admittance. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, maybe Mj changing his mind about the whole thing, waking up alone, or maybe just things being normal again. It wasn’t this, and this was so much better. But instead of saying that he pestered his boyfriend about what Moonbin was making.

To the point that Mj finally gave up and got the food for him delivering it with an indulging smile. It was then Jinjin realized there was still further to go down the rabbit hole and sex, well sex was just an offshoot from the main tunnel’s goal. A goal he could feel building in his chest as he sat up, Mj tenderly but loudly making sure he was fine to do so. A feeling he didn’t want to name wanting to explode from his chest not quite formed but budding as he leaned his back against Mj’s chest. Being fed in an awkward position because he was a sucker for being taken care of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts are appreciated and as to the Socky...well we'll see ok? It's softly hinted so far. Rocky is still dealing with his shit anyway.


	14. Passing time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What am I doing? I don't know.

Jinjin had been expecting things to change drastically after the first time. He expected there would be so many changes that it would be hard to keep up with them. There weren’t. And he honestly wasn’t sure how he should feel about it. The members for their part were oblivious, or at least pretended to be. And while he couldn’t say he wasn’t thankful for it, it was also a bit disconcerting. 

Mj reassured him it was nothing while reminding him that it wasn’t as if he wanted the members to know anyway. Jinjin still found it was hard to accept that they just didn’t know at all. Even if he was also constantly reminding himself that was the best thing. Because there were some changes, more kisses, lingering touches, and a lot more bedroom looks exchanged. All of which went unnoticed by the rest of the group.

Not that Jinjin was complaining he’d just thought there would be more. More of what he wasn’t sure because things had changed. He wasn’t quite as awkward with Mj as he had been when they’d first started dating roughly a month and seven days ago. No more were the blushes when their hands brushed at schedules on accident or the random desire to pull Mj out of the room and kiss him senseless. Instead he would grab his boyfriend’s hand or drag him to a secluded spot to have his ways. 

Though he supposed he was expecting to feel something more than he had before more than anything else. He didn’t. There wasn’t really a difference in how he felt about Mj before or after sex. His boyfriend was still the irritating but sunshiney mess he’d been to Jinjin before he’d even read any fanfiction. A mess who still made his heart squeeze at odd moments and left him wanting to touch him more than ten times in an hour on the daily. 

It wasn’t quite the same he supposed as he settled into the car beside Eunwoo. But it wasn’t time to think about it they had a schedule today. A schedule which they were going to be driving for over an hour to arrive at. And while Mj had begged him to ride with him with a subtle teasing smile and a quick kiss he’d said no.

Nothing in the world could make him sit next to Sanha or Mj for that long of a car ride. Though the elder was likely to pass out at some point, it wouldn’t be before bothering him and disrupting whatever he decided to watch. And Sanha was exactly the same, having learned from his hyung, only he never fell asleep. 

So he’d opted to sit next to Eunwoo who was also prone to sleeping or, if he were in the mood, talking softly about the things that he was doing lately. And Jinjin wanted to be there for him. As before he was Mj’s boyfriend he was leader of Astro. A title he took seriously and he was going to continue to do so until the company pried it out of his hands. Which he didn’t think they would, but they might if/when they found out about his relationship. 

Eunwoo though was out like a light twenty minutes into the drive and shortly followed by Rocky who had been quietly listening to music. Before he’d fallen asleep though Jinjin had at least been able to talk shortly about the personal schedules that the taller had coming up. They didn’t make him feel less guilty, if anything they made him feel as if he wasn’t working hard enough on his own. Instead of working on lyrics lately he’d been spending time with Mj. 

Granted they’d been discussing Astro related things most of the time, well when they weren’t kissing. It was just hard to focus with Mj’s big pouty lips in his face. Or slender hands in places that the company most certainly wouldn’t approve of. Still they’d been working on an idea together, one that might get some of the other members roles so Eunwoo could have a little rest. Nothing had come of it though as the company had rejected it. 

Looking at Eunwoo’s face now Jinjin couldn't help feeling that there had to be more he could do as a leader to help him. More than just playing around with his boyfriend at the very least. And while sex hadn’t brought the drastic changes to his and Mj’s relationship he thought it would it certainly brought different thoughts about the members. 

Subtle changes in how he looked at them, in much the same way reading fanfictions had done before. Appreciating the smaller things he’d often forgotten about the others as they spent so much time together it was just second nature. Such as the way Eunwoo’s eyes moved while he slept if he wasn’t resting well or the way Rocky’s hand lingered near his knee in the much the same way. They weren’t now and he felt thankful. 

He felt thankful for the trust they had in him that showed in such small ways. Ways he’d picked up on long before now but only really thought about it to keep himself from thinking about his boyfriend. It made him feel a little guilty but it wasn’t his fault that Mj liked to rub his hand over Jinjin’s thighs when he wanted attention. Which he needed a distraction from. 

He found himself swallowing on that thought pulling out the notebook he’d brought with him for lyrics. Studying Eunwoo’s face he allowed himself to lose himself in how pretty it truly was. It wasn’t a face he wanted to be closer to, not like Mj’s or a face he wanted to squish like Moonbin’s. It was handsome and it made him wish he was as talented in the arts as their sunshine. It was the kind of face that suited drawing. 

Instead he did what he could painting the picture with his words. Subtle and serene like the man’s face when he slept. It made him think of the early, early mornings when he woke up before Mj and was able to observe him sleeping. A ball of energy in rest was worth admiring he’d told himself the few times it had happened before. Now he didn’t try to brush it off instead enjoying the planes of his boyfriend’s face. 

Taking in the lines he looked at his lyrics more closely and sighed. Even though he was using Eunwoo’s face he’d still managed to write a song about Mj. He wasn’t sure how that made him feel as heat gathered in cheeks when the manager looked back at him asking if he was okay. He was, he knew he was. It wasn’t like writing a love song about your boyfriend meant he was in love, in love with him after all. On that thought he decided sleep was better than writing afterall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have updated this a lot lately. It took a few really weird turns but I hope you're all still enjoying it anyway.


	15. Dumbest bunny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep asking myself how we got here...

It had taken another week for Jinjin to realize that he was in over his head with Mj. Way over his head and he wasn’t sure what to do about it or even how to approach the subject. When they’d first started dating Mj had implied they wouldn’t have sex until they were in love. And Jinjin knew that wasn’t quite true in the end. After all a little over two weeks ago they’d had sex for the first time and he certainly hadn’t been in love then. At least he didn’t think so.

Because it wasn’t like now. It wasn’t the ‘I can’t stop thinking about him for more than an hour’ panic inducing feeling he was having right now. They’d just gotten home from their early schedule for the day before Mj had been pulled back out by their manager for a personal schedule. Some recording or another of something with Eunwoo. It was the first time they’d been apart for more than two hours without at least being in the same building. 

In that span of time Jinjin had found himself worrying, at first in the ‘leader’ way hoping that Mj was doing a good job and not making Eunwoo look bad. Then in the what if my boyfriend is getting hit on way. Which was shortly followed by the realization that he wasn’t sure what he would do if Mj decided he didn’t want him anymore. After all even with the group knowing now, and somehow becoming accepting that yes sex happens, they still had to sneak around. 

Which left him wondering what Mj would do if he was hit on by some cute girl or some hotter guy, hotter than Eunwoo he doubted but hotter than himself maybe, and he liked the offer. And it was in that exact moment he realized his heart would actually shatter into a tiny million pieces of Park Jinwoo that would never fit back together again. Not in the disappointed ‘oh, we were having fun’ way but in the ‘I think I fucking love him and don’t want to live without him’ way. 

The realization hit hard. So hard that both Sanha and Moonbin, captains of oblivion while focusing on gaming or watching anime, both paused what they were doing to ask if he was okay. He wasn’t but he certainly wasn’t going to tell them that. Instead he sought out Rocky and even he gave him a funny look at the way he was glancing at his phone every few minutes instead of using it. Which the three of them had pointed out was unusual.

He’d answered Rocky a lot more nicely than he’d answered the other two, with a sigh instead of walking off. Though Rocky’s approach had been a lot more blunt and without any teasing. A simple ‘why don’t you just text him?’ instead of a teasing ‘Mj and Jinjin sitting in a tree’ from Sanha or the ‘don’t worry if Eunwoo’s with him how could he look anywhere else?’ from Moonbin. Because those hadn’t been the least bit encouraging. 

Rocky though as his name was selected for was steady in his patience and didn’t push him for an answer when he found a straight one hard to give. The idea of being in love with Mj hadn’t crossed his mind at all when he was reading fanfictions and getting off a lot less regularly but still to the same thighs he was using now. Not that he was going to tell Rocky any of that. Instead he opted for another large sigh and settled onto the edge of his bed.

It was never easy beating around the bush, especially not when you knew the other person would know what you were trying to do anyway. But he was going to do it. It might at least keep his face from imploding under the heat on his own cheeks. “When was the last time you were in love?” He wanted to smack himself in the face. Instead he gave the younger an enquiring look as if he were here for Rocky and not himself the whole time. 

The younger’s response was to first choke on his own words, throwing himself into a minor coughing fit which he then used to explain his red cheeks. Jinjin could only smile at him while Rocky settled down, the red deepening as he spoke. “I haven’t been in love before hyung.” Jinjin wasn’t fool enough to buy it but he nodded anyway resisting the eyebrow raise that really wanted to happen. 

“Not even before we debuted?” His voice was soft and Jinjin found himself remembering all the things that Rocky had told them about the bullying. About the forced kiss, and not for the first time he realized the younger was stronger than they gave him credit for. Not that he really let them think otherwise all that often, though sometimes he wished he would. So he could treat him like he was part of the maknae line a little more often. 

A head shake was his immediate answer but he could tell there was more so he waited patiently as had been done for him. Though it was still hard not to look at his phone. Three, maybe four hours had passed since Mj and Eunwoo had left and he hadn’t heard from either of them. Not that he expected to he knew what was on their schedule, had known what was on their schedule all week. He just hadn’t thought it would be a big deal and he knew it shouldn’t be as well. 

He shouldn’t be in love with Kim Myungjun. Though at that thought he already knew it was too late from the way his heart squeezed just thinking it. He didn’t want to dwell and thankfully was saved from it when Rocky spoke up again. Even though what he said only made his heart squeeze further.

“There wasn’t really time for it...There was training, there was Moonbin, and there were the bullies before all of that.” Despite his voice being solid and firm, aged, Jinjin could pick up the emotions that lurked underneath. The way that maybe Rocky wasn’t quite as over it all as he liked to act. Recently when it all came to light again after their internal dating scandal Rocky had confessed, to him at least, that he hadn’t hated when that boy kissed him. That really he hadn’t hated it all. And maybe liked it.

Though Jinjin wasn’t going to draw any conclusions from it. Rocky was entitled to make his own discoveries about his sexuality and what he liked. And that boy back then, before he’d been a bully had been someone Rocky had liked, in whatever form it had been. He wasn’t going to ask. It wasn’t his place to put ideas in Rocky’s head about it anyway, even if he really got the feeling that Rocky would greatly enjoy kissing their maknae. He wasn’t sure that it would be anything more than that. 

He certainly hadn’t thought it would be with Mj. Which suddenly made him feel he was no longer qualified to judge anything about other people’s relationships anymore. Still he did feel guilty for bringing up the topic with Rocky now instead of Moonbin, who he knew for a fact had dated. And would date now if he could find someone more attractive than Eunwoo who he was genuinely attracted to. Because he knew that Binu, Binwoo, or soap whatever the fans were calling it to be fake. 

Moonbin and Eunwoo were close, like Rocky and Sanha were close. But they fed more into fanservice for being actual best friends more than anything else. As he knew if he were to ask anyone in Astro they’d answer Moonbin was more likely marry food than find an actual partner. Not that Jinjin was judging, marrying food sounded a lot easier than finishing the conversation he’d started. But he’d started it. 

“It was busy huh.” He shook his own head clearing his thoughts away. He’d started this so he should at least put in the effort to keep it up. “Have you at least liked someone?” Jinjin gave him an appraising eye noticing the way his face stayed red even though he’d coughed long ago. “Or maybe you like someone now?” He tried to keep the teasing from his voice but it was still there as a undertone. 

“I…” Rocky’s voice trailed off and he looked away in thought and Jinjin wondered if he’d trust him enough to share it. For as close as they all were they weren’t without their secrets, granted said secrets wouldn’t affect the group. Though he was going have trouble enforcing that one for awhile after the whole keeping dating secret debacle. “I think I do.” The younger’s head bobbed as if his affirm his own statement and Jinjin felt himself melting inside at how cute the whole maknae line truly is. 

“Oh?” Jinjin didn’t stop himself from raising his eyebrow at that, curious but he refused to ask. Instead taking in the rare but adorable sight of Rocky blushing. This was infinitely more fun than staring at his phone waiting for a text from his boyfriend. 

“I think.” The thought was clarified with hands waving in the air and the instant dismissal of the subject with a subject change that felt like a sucker punch. “But aren’t you just asking because you can’t stop thinking about Mj-hyung?” 

Not floundering like a fish out of water was apparently something his body was incapable of as Jinjin met the question with a wave of his own arms and his lips flapping uselessly. The younger only smirked at him knowing he’d hit the nail on the head. And Jinjin knew there was no denying it, despite his acute desire to do just that. He gave in with a sigh. “What gave me away?”

He knew the answer, Rocky knew the answer, even the plushies on the bed knew the answer but he could see how amused it made the younger that he asked it anyway. Though an answer wasn’t offered only more questions. “So are you going to tell him you’re in love with him?” The question was asked with a lot more interest than Jinjin had been expecting and he found his own cheeks were the deep red ones this time. He’d only just figured it out and here Rocky was blurting it out like it was nothing.

Well maybe it was, he conceded at least to himself they’d been dating awhile now. And as idols they were close there was already the love of group mates, trainees, friends, and coworkers between them after all. Then on top of that was their relationship, which was definitely not any of those. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to label it love, was it love? Was it really, really love? Or was it a high form of like that made him want to spend all his time with his hyung. 

“I don’t know yet.” Were the words that came out instead of the ‘I don’t know’ that he planned. But he let it sink in for himself just as much as it was sinking in for Rocky, who was blinking rapidly at him as if he hadn’t expected that answer either. Though Jinjin couldn’t say what answer he’d been expecting then if not that with how confidently he’d asked it. 

“Are you sure hyung?” Rocky’s next words made his blood cold with how earnestly he’d asked it. It was an important question, love wasn’t just a game in idol dating life. Love was a concept they sold not something they fell into until after the military service for a reason. He found himself swallowing and examining his feelings once more. But no matter what he asked himself he found the same conclusion. 

“I am in love with Myungjun.” He hadn’t meant to say it out loud and two seconds later he regretted opening his big mouth because of the look Rocky was giving him. But he knew without a doubt it was true. What he couldn’t be sure of was if Mj really did actually feel the same way. Or if he should even tell him at all. It was risky, their company didn’t even know they were dating. At least they didn’t know concretely they were dating, they wouldn’t ask unless there was a rumor after all. 

Rocky nodded again this time it was slower and a little more thought filled, but accepting. Jinjin knew they’d already come a long way on helping him deal with his past from that action alone. Still he didn’t say anything else, wasn’t sure what else to say. Having said it aloud affected him just as much as it did Rocky. 

“I think you should tell him.” The words were quiet and Jinjin found himself nodding, he did say honesty was the best policy, if not the only policy. Still he found no words to say himself even when he felt Rocky’s hand on his knee in support. He knew he really shouldn’t need it but he did. “It’s okay hyung. I’m sure he feels the same.” 

While Rocky’s intentions were good Jinjin found himself second guessing for just a second, a small second. Long enough to panic and bolt upright from where he’d found himself looking at his knees. The need to be anywhere but in the dorm was strong as he smiled at Rocky and excused himself to no comment. It wasn’t until then he realized he’d never actually confessed before, not to love anyway.

It felt like his thoughts were going a mile a minute when he walked outside for a bit of fresh air with a list of snacks in hand. He might as well make use of his sudden desire for a walk. Though glancing at the all couples out late only reminded him that was something he wouldn’t have. They wouldn’t have, and he felt a little guilty for keeping Mj from it. Or he would if he didn’t hate the idea of him with anyone else so much.

His thoughts weren’t in any more order when he returned to the dorm with the snacks. But Sanha had presented him his phone, which he’d left on purpose and there were at least three texts he hadn’t read. One from their manager about their schedules, one from a friend he didn’t want to talk to right now, and one cute little emoji from his boyfriend that said more than words could. He found himself smiling as he realized being in love with Mj wasn’t all a bad thing. 

It just meant he’d have to figure out to how confess it, proclaim, or whatever one did when they were already dating but falling deeper into feelings than they meant to. Which only brought him back to what Mj had said at the very beginning. ‘People don’t date because they love each other yet, they date because they like each other enough to want to fall in love.’ And that was a very comforting thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm kinda floored how many views and kudos this junk has already. So thank you everyone for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts too. But just know I'll keep enjoying myself so I hope you do too!


	16. L-word

What had been a comforting thought had quickly turned into the stuff of nightmares. Because Jinjin had underrated his ability to overthink everything that even remotely seemed negative when he was feeling emotional. Or maybe he hadn’t underrated it as much as never experienced it quite like this before. It wasn’t like it was his first time in love it just felt like his first time in ‘love’. And his brain was going to short circuit thinking about the differences between love and like and how one confessed to either of them.

Rocky had obstinately refused to talk to him about it, Moonbin only snickered, while Sanha had offered to set up a cute anime style date, and Eunwoo had cackled until he started coughing. None of them had any actually plausible ideas and the one person whose opinion on the matter actually mattered he couldn’t ask anyway. Well he could, if he could get his mouth and his brain to cooperate for once and not over speak. A feat he no longer felt he could accomplish after the innumerable slip ups he’d had recently.

It was just better to think of something on his own. Something that did not involve any of the overly dramatic, cringey, or sometimes downright awful confessions he’d read in fanfiction. He wanted things to be simple. The same way that the relationship between him and his boyfriend already was. Only more. He just wasn’t sure how much more it could get between the schedules, meetings, practices, fanmeets, and comebacks. Even before they’d started dating they spent an inordinate amount of time together anyway because of group activities. 

Since they’d started dating it was hard to find them apart at all. Including today as they’d snuck out of the dorm early to play basketball with some of their mutual friends that weren’t idols. A group of men they’d met on the court and formed a sort of play schedule with that revolved around the business that life became when you actually wanted to do something. It had been a good game, sweat inducing, played fairly, and over all helped Jinjin relax. He hadn’t thought about the L-word issue for at least three hours.

Until Mj suggested they go to lunch after a quick change and shower. The shower though had been anything but quick. Not that Jinjin was complaining. The dorm was empty after all, and it would be wasteful not to take advantage of it. Which he had by pinning Mj to their shower wall, kissing and teasing him until he couldn’t string together more than four words. An action he would have taken further if Sanha and Rocky hadn’t returned just as he was about to reach for the lube. So he abandoned it and ignored Mj’s pout, which made his heart swell.

It was the right decision though as their maknae, because he’d never learned his lesson, entered the bathroom without knocking and they, also not thinking about it, hadn’t locked the door. Suffice it to say Mj was going to die laughing while their neighbors were probably going to put in their tenth noise complaint because of Sanha’s screaming. And Jinjin wondered if a stress headache was really worth it over what had just happened.

“He’ll be fine. He’s old enough I’m sure he’s watched porn.” Mj had shrugged it off when he finally settled down after listening to Jinjin fret for about five minutes. And Jinjin had to admit that it was a hard to point to argue he’d seen Sanha’s internet history more than once. Still he didn’t think he’d able to handle walking in on any of his parental figures about to go at it. Even the thought gave him cold shivers. 

“I still think we should be more careful.” He threw over his shoulder as he finally dried off and slipped into clean boxers. His eyes though probably said something else entirely as he ran them over Mj’s body. The elder had started working out again and dieting a little harder. Not that Jinjin had said anything about his weight recently, but Moonbin was constantly trying to drag one or more of them to the gym with him. Just not Jinjin himself because he didn’t need Moonbin to take care of him there. And that’s ultimately what Moonbin wanted, a project to be proud of. 

“You were the one that started it.” Mj countered but winked at him indulgently. “I’ll just remind you next time to maknae-proof everything.” Jinjin watched as his boyfriend slipped into his pants and when he turned away again he felt a chaste kiss against his shoulder. One that made his heart melt with how gentle it was. Almost enough to make the words he was holding onto slip out, he bit them back determined to wait for the right timing though. Instead listening as his boyfriend went on. “Speaking of maknae-proof should we ask them about lunch or…?”

Sliding into a shirt that wasn’t as uncomfortable as it looked Jinjin weighed the thought out. It was unlikely that they hadn’t eaten, or at least bought a bunch of snacks to enjoy anyway. It was as equally unlikely they’d say no if they were invited out regardless. Which meant it was no longer a lunch date with his boyfriend and instead time out with his members. Both of which were equally important in the grand scheme of things. “Hmm what did you have in mind for lunch? If it’s expensive let’s just not tell them.” He winked and Mj giggled evilly. 

In the end though the four of them went out together and Jinjin didn’t begrudge the decision to take them along. Instead it, like many of Mj’s small actions, made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. So much so that he thought it might actually explode under the pressure. It was a feeling he’d had before, a very long time ago. And the memory made him cautious. Because the girl he’d confessed to then, hadn’t returned his feelings. Not the same way at least and she’d broken up with him a few days afterwards. 

At that time he hadn’t even told her that he loved her, only that he really liked her and he wasn’t sure he would ever stop liking her. After that the very idea of confessing to anything had been scary for awhile, but he’d gotten over her and moved to someone else. And then he’d decided to be an idol, throwing away romance as it hadn’t worked out for him so far anyway. Then there was Mj. Who he knew he felt even more for than his first love. It was scarier than then too.

The risks were higher, a whole lot higher. And so easy to ignore when Mj’s hand causally landed on his thigh under the table asking for his attention as he said something that made him laugh. That honestly made the whole table laugh, but he was so focused on Mj’s lips and how they curled around his teeth their reaction didn’t matter. Of course that couldn’t last as they were in public, surrounded by normal couples, single people, and the ever present eye of possible media scandal. 

So he bit back the words that wanted to bubble out of his throat again. He’d say them later. When he was sure it was safe. When he was sure that the tiny sparkle in Mj’s eyes meant he felt the same way and he wasn’t just in this for the ride. A thought that had plagued him ever since he’d realized his own feelings. Mj had kissed him in curiosity, Mj had asked him out so he could keep kissing him, and Mj liked him, but maybe like that girl it wasn’t the same. It was a risk that felt even heavier than being caught. 

The words meant something and Jinjin wasn’t about to toss them around so carelessly. Not when he rarely said them to his group as whole, not when they meant something so different now than they had before. Of course he loved Astro, he just happened to love Mj just that teeny-tiny bit more in a completely different direction. One that had him sneaking a kiss when no one was looking in the deserted street on the way back to their dorm. It was only a quick one to a still slightly chubby cheek, but it earned him a soft smile that meant everything.

This was enough. It was more than he thought he’d wanted and more than he ever thought he’d get. Mj was his, even if they weren’t quite ready for that L-word yet. He could feel it and that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be taking a vacation come August, so I might not update for awhile. I also might take a break between the X Clan and it's sequel where I just don't write at all. Just letting you know what's going on. But if you've followed any of my works you know I'm horrible at keeping my word on that. What are breaks even?


	17. Slumberland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from vacation, but it's already been a long week I swear and it's just really started. If you've been following my twitter you might know I've picked up a third cat, this one was found stuck in my car engine...The day after I got back. She's a cutie but a handful.
> 
> As a sidenote I named all the chapters, the titles are so I'll remember what happened in the chapter. Meaning they might not make sense to you...but I'll be editing soon as well.

To say that Jinjin was completely thrown off guard was an understatement. One that he didn’t dare to say out loud, as he’d just been pretending to be asleep two seconds ago when Mj had climbed into bed. His boyfriend was later than normal as he’d been wrapping up the project he was doing with Eunwoo today and had stayed out way past the group’s practice time. 

Not that Jinjin was complaining too much as it allowed him time to settle other things around their dorm. Like the fact that Sanha needed to finish his school work before he even looked at another video game. Still he was glad his boyfriend was home now, though he’d pretended to be asleep because Mj hated when he waited up for him. As the elder didn’t need quite as much sleep as he did. He’d expected Mj to wake him up, that however wasn’t what happened. 

Instead Mj had grabbed hold of him, snuggling up to his supposedly asleep body, planting a kiss against his shoulder. He also whispered a quick, ‘you’re so cute I could eat you’ before nuzzling further into his shoulder. Which had him holding his breath trying to feign sleep long enough to either actually fall asleep or convince Mj he was and had been the whole time. 

One second passed into three then three passed into ten leaving him thinking he was in the clear. Or in the clear enough to shift himself into a more comfortable position. A difficult task with all of his boyfriend’s body weight pressed against him. That was of course when he felt the sharp pain of teeth sinking into his shoulder that had him letting out a hiss which was followed by a low grumble. “That hurt.” The words didn’t have much force, maybe as much as the bite had. When there was no answer he sighed. “How did you know I was awake?”

Mj didn’t reply at first instead gently kissing the spot he’d just attacked with his teeth. Jinjin told himself that wasn’t really an apology but he found himself forgiving the eldest anyway. “When you’re really asleep you don’t move to make room for me.” Was the simple answer. Then Jinjin found himself being turned over to face his boyfriend, who looked exhausted. Leaving any retort he might have had, dying on his lips. And the gentle kiss Mj placed on his forehead further proved that comment wasn’t really needed. It was gentle, even more so than when he’d kissed his shoulder.

“Ah.” He filled the silence but it felt unnecessary as he settled against the body in front of his own. Their legs winding together naturally and the air between them relaxed. Not so long ago he’d actually felt nervous in this position, because he wasn’t sure what Mj was thinking. If the elder really even liked him or was just toying with him. He didn’t feel that way now, well not quite. There was still a word hanging between them he didn’t want to acknowledge, afraid it might break the balance that hung between them in the silence. 

The silence wasn’t meant to last as Mj broke it, their hands finding each other in the dark. Fingers clasping as he spoke, words laced with his exhaustion. “How was your day? Did you do anything interesting?” It wasn’t what he’d expected to be asked, he’d half expected to be grilled about why he was still awake knowing they had a schedule in the morning. But he found it hard to form words with the intensity of Mj’s eyes on him, more alert than they should be with his boyfriend looking that exhausted. 

“Nothing too interesting,” He smiled pressing a kiss to Mj’s nose, making the other blink at him before he broke out into a brilliant smile that looked just as sleepy as Jinjin felt. “I took Sanha’s games from him for a hour. Afterward he got Bin to join him in the whining party.” He knew he was grinning at the memory but he couldn’t help it, Sanha’s pouting was cute and Bin wasn’t far behind on that spectrum. Whether they wanted to admit it or not was a different story entirely. “Rocky was the angel he always is.” He paused a moment looking at Mj’s face. “How was filming? Not too hard right?” 

His question was met with a scoff as if to say that there wasn’t any job too hard for the other. Jinjin knew better, Mj had told him all about his concerns when they’d first started filming however long ago that was now. The days without Euwnoo and Mj with them tended to blur together a little more colorless than the others. And a lot of the mood making fell to other members who felt more pressured than they had to about it. He wasn’t going to say any of that out loud though. There were burdens he chose to carry alone, the idea that the days without Mj were colorless was one of them.

For now at least. He knew he couldn’t keep his feelings in forever, and his track record so far proved it. Not to mention he felt it all the more when Mj smiled at him and told him about the shooting. Their fingers were still intertwined and their legs playing with each other under the blanket as he listened intently. some of his worries melting off with just that. But he wanted to enjoy this, just this for a while longer. Mj’s smile, soft and sleepy aimed at him in the dark as he kept his voice down, whispering how his day was. The soft feeling around them as they existed as part of one another under the blankets.

He was certain these were the moments he’d cherish most on down the line. This moment itself couldn’t last forever but Jinjin didn’t begrudge the call of sleep that lured them away from it. After all, he knew in the morning Mj would still be there, and there would be more moments like this. He’d make sure of it but he still found his voice again, even as they both drifted on the edge of slumberland. “Next time you don’t have to bite me.” His voice was muffled by the pillow but Mj’s snort wasn’t, yet it was still quiet and subdued.

“Then next time don’t look so cute that I’d want to eat you.” Was the slow reply that had Jinjin mentally rolling his eyes at how cheesy his boyfriend was. He didn’t say anything else though instead squeezing the hand that was in his. When he was certain that Mj was most definitely passed out and mentally gone from the world, he took one last look at his sleeping face and settled down to sleep for real this time. There would be more time to tell him how his heart squeezed in his chest at the mere sight of him being this peaceful. 

Next time he’d get the courage to say the three little words that rested on the tip of his tongue. Even if the thought of doing so was enough to keep him up all night most of the time. He’d do it. He had to. Because there was no way he’d be able to contain this feeling for much longer with how they tugged at him. And if he waited too long he was certain he’d just blurt them out like he’d done with everything else thus far. But that was a next time kind of problem, next time when he wasn’t so ridiculously comfortable in Mj’s arms and on the verge of falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I went where I wanted to go with this. It was fun. It was cute. I'm still not sure where we're going.


	18. Scandalous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some of the media stupidity from actual fuck ups during the E'Dawn and Hyuna dating news. Btw if you don't support them I don't want to hear about it. My babies are precious so leave them alone. 
> 
> Also I did start naming chapters

Things were never easy for Jinjin as the leader, and while he’d known that things wouldn’t be easy he hadn’t suspected they would be this hard. Not yet anyway, and certainly not about another member. After all as far as to his knowledge the others weren’t dating, at least not seriously if they were seeing someone. He preferred not to ask if he didn’t have to. And other than Mj and himself he hadn’t seen any heart eyes or soft sighing to give any indication that anyone else was stupidly in love. However that wasn’t what the media was saying.

Of course the media was wrong. However the media being wrong didn’t create less of a scandal. And this was something Jinjin had seen from afar he’d hoped to never deal with. Now he was being pushed into it without a single insight of how to deal with it. Well, not correctly anyway. As unlike a few other groups he’d seen deal with the same issue his company hadn’t just asked the pair in question. Who just happened to be Sanha and one of the girls from WekiMeki, he wasn’t even sure who. 

Granted Jinjin was positive the media wasn’t sure who either as three different girls had been mentioned, four different pictures had been used, and not all of them lined up. Though he did know for a fact that Sanha wasn’t dating any of them from the twenty shades of red he went through at the suggestion. The stammering, glances at Rocky, and over all panic further cemented the theory he was taken just as off guard as the rest of them. 

The company had taken the news they weren’t dating and sent it right off to the press. Then proceeded to ask the rest of them while lecturing them about the repercussions of being caught. Not that Jinjin needed to hear about those as he’d only thought about them for upwards of half a year now. And their repercussions weren’t even related to dating a fellow member or the same gender. 

Unlike the last time Mj didn’t blurt anything out and for this Jinjin was grateful. But they did talk about it. In depth this time after they went back to the dorm that night. Early enough to avoid any Aroha who might have believed the rumors. The article wasn’t going to up for a few hours. Hours that from what they’d seen in their time as a group mattered. 

This discussion involved all of Astro so he had them all discuss it like the mature adults they were. Taking in the backlash of their Korean fans who left them based on the false rumor and the international fans who stayed. Gauging the reaction of the company to the news that another set of their idols was indeed dating. And finally how their company had agreed to keep that information private. 

“I don’t think you should go public.” Sanha had repeated over and over, his skin paler than normal and his voice quieter. It hadn’t taken long after the question for him to see the mess that was their social media before Eunwoo had taken his phone. It wasn’t something that he needed to see and Jinjin was thankful for him for it. There was only so much he could do to protect their youngest. 

“You should tell the company at least.” Moonbin and Rocky were of the same opinion. Their words were said with worry but Jinjin appreciated their input. He agreed with them but he wasn’t sure that the backlash from the company wouldn’t be just as great as that of the fans. Despite Eunwoo’s appraisal of the contract they’d all signed, which didn’t forbid them from dating, he wasn’t sure the company would see it that way. There were a lot of disagreements over what the company meant and what was written.

In the end they all agreed that there was no way the staff were completely unaware of their relationship to begin with. Then Jinjin had sent the others off to bed so he could just hold on to Mj for awhile and pretend nothing crazy had happened. At least for a little while before he’d have to get on their social media and on his very private accounts take a peek at the damage. He was certain it wouldn’t be pretty.

Mj was a great comfort wrapping his arms around him and kissing his forehead. During the discussion he’d mostly nodded and agreed with Eunwoo. Who was of the opinion that the company already knew and hadn’t ever looked into their dating lives for plausible deniability. As their contract allowed them a modicum of privacy that wouldn’t be infringed upon. 

Yet through all this Jinjin hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what it might be like to be outed. To be openly in love. It was scary, but it was also freeing in a way. “Do you want to tell the company?” The question had been asked to death but this was the first time he’d posed it so earnestly to Mj himself without the others there. “We haven’t been dating that long.” He found his fingers playing with those wrapped around his side as he spoke not wanting to meet Mj’s eyes.

“Like I kept saying I’m sure they know.” Mj’s sigh was heavy, as if he were carrying the weight of the industry. In a way they were if they truly came out as ingroup dating they’d be among the few. And further still among the even smaller number of gay idols to come out. Which meant the repercussions would be more intense than if they were just dating another female idol. “Honestly though,” Mj paused giving him a meaningful look before kissing his forehead. “I do want to show you off.”

Jinjin couldn’t stop the blush that formed at that. It was something different just to date under the table with their group knowing and no one else than to be out. After all even his other friends didn’t know, couldn’t know. At least not yet. Not until they’d at least told their company and he’d gauged their reactions as well. Even if his friends were dating, they were dating women. Not that they talked about that too much either. “I think we should tell them.” 

Mj’s smile was blinding and serene at his answer. A look that was reserved for when they were alone but the words that followed it were classic Mj. “Now let’s get some extra sleep because it’s been entirely too stressful being awake.” Jinjin laughed but he found he couldn’t agree more. The day had been a roller coaster of emotions, one that wasn’t likely to end any time soon. And certainly not until the rumor rolled over and died it’s proper death and the fandom settled down. He hoped it didn’t take that long. 

Realistically he knew they were looking at a week or more. Their fans had left them for less in the past but he decided not to let his worries get to him. Instead he cuddled into his boyfriend’s arms and tried not to think at all as he drifted off to sleep. At least in his dreams he didn’t have to worry about telling Mj he loved him on top of telling the company at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where this came from...Oh well my life has been a mess lately. A big one. If I don't write much here in the future that's why.


	19. Company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you know how hard I've worked to make this different to This isn't Love??? Do you know how hard it is to restrain myself from the cross dressing I love??? TT

Dealing with the aftermath of the press’s fuck up took a lot longer than Jinjin had anticipated. It also took more of a toll on Sanha who didn’t want to leave the dorm after the first two days. Because the shitstorm on their social media hadn’t let up and there were now death threats. Not towards Sanha, but towards WekiMeki, which Jinjin felt wasn’t fair at all. Thankfully the short program that Sanha and the member of the girl group had been in was already recorded.

If the rest of the program would air was still a debate. One that Jinjin was just going to have to address when he talked to the company today. Admittedly that issue was a lot less stressful to bring up than the other reason he was there. At least it had a clear cut answer to it, a yes or no. There wouldn’t be any contract reading, modifying, or possible discipline for that answer. The answer to his and Mj’s relationship on the other hand was an unknown.

Still they'd decided to tell them repercussions aside, it was the right thing to do. They'd been dating for a month, two weeks, and four days now. It wasn't long in the grand scheme of things but it was long enough for it to possibly cause conflict. He knew beyond a doubt that Aroha couldn't know, they were still too young as a group for dating to be condoned. Ships aside they certainly weren't going to approve, and from what he'd seen online they may even be upset it wasn't their ship. 

Either way thoughts about how their fans would take it were less worrying than how their boss might. Being gay in Korea alone wasn’t exactly smiled upon, being in a work relationship was no less of a violation. He tried not to think about it as Eunwoo gave him a funny look for being awake as early as he was. Mj beside him looked more haggard even drinking the cup of coffee he’d made. It only made Jinjin smile into his own cup.

There was still an hour before the meeting he’d set up with the bosses and he was going to enjoy that time slowly. After all it might be the last bit of freedom he had for a while. That they had for awhile, he swallowed trying not to think about it too deeply. Things would land where they may and he was only hoping for a favorable outcome. He wasn’t asking for a miracle, at least he didn’t think so. 

By the time the meeting rolled around both he and Mj were shaking with nerves. Nerves that didn’t stop shaking until they stood directly before their boss and said what they needed to say. And all that was left was to wait out the verdict. Which Jinjin admitted he hoped was much different than the stormy faces they’d stared into the entire hour long meeting before they’d been excused. Their boss had told them he’d call them back when they needed them again, their decision wasn’t one that was going to be made lightly.

Though as they sat there waiting, Mj quietly sipping a coffee in a cafe a few minutes walk away, Jinjin realized that no matter what verdict was handed down it couldn’t change his feelings. That even though now was the worst time, it was the only time to be honest. The words he’d been holding back bubbling up within him again. Just as they had all meeting, where he’d endured resisting telling the panel of company highers up that he was indeed in love with Mj. He didn’t want to do that. He didn’t really want anyone outside of Astro to know before Mj knew himself.

Still the words were hard to find, catching on his tongue as he stared at the beauty of his boyfriend, the sunlight catching his hair through the window. The light of it though paled in comparison to his smile. Which he must have said aloud, again, as Mj was looking at him with a flush and a disbelieving look. He supposed he couldn’t blame him, he was cheesy sometimes but never to that extent aloud. This time too the words poured out unintended, but true. “Myungjun I love you. I don’t care what they say I want to continue loving you.”

Mj’s smile was wide and there was a laugh falling off his lips quickly after, a pat to his hand. “I love you too Jinwoo, what took you so long to tell me?” He batted his lashes and Jinjin wondered if maybe Mj had known all along. In the end it didn’t matter, much like everything else with Mj so far he set the pace and Jinjin willingly followed. Just as he followed him back to the office building to tell the panel that they were in love and there wasn’t anything that could be done about it. Thankfully they didn’t even try to stop them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to end this here, it's hard to find time to write lately on top of the motivation to do it. Well on this anyway, I was burnt out more than once on this story. So I'm going to end it before I hate it. I might have rushed the ending for which I'm sorry but I hoped you enjoyed the ride regardless. 
> 
> I have another fic that's coming out soon. Something different and refreshing. I might or might not post it here.

**Author's Note:**

> One day I will stop telling myself 'this will be a oneshot' or this will have 'five chapters'. Or I'll say it and mean it. But not today.


End file.
